Potty professor Simon Hopes demonstrated his firework ability with an enormous Banger celebration to bring in the New Year. The event was applauded and later forgotten by all who attended the Miller/Hopes/Winter do at the New Year.

Smith and Wild woo Babes in Wood. Bubbly Si Smith and Liz Wild have been delving back into the thespian vein again with the Avon players in Northampton. The two are solely responsible for activities backstage, however, in a bizarre twist, Simon is doing lights for the first time ever while Liz is doing the sound. Altogether now...Richaaarrd.

Hennings/Matthews relocation... Reading, nearby Slough, seems to be a very popular location as the move of young Jolyon and Toni bears testament to, mortgage a set, new jobs a-go go.

This Just in: It has come to the notice of this organ that it is perhaps not widely known that the top two thirds of Chris Hanham has not been visible to Czechs for over three years now. When interviewed Zoltan Kyprowicz said "I know I've seen legs but how can I be sure they were his"? Absurd island of the week: Eigg.

SO, YOU may well be asking, what has happened to everyone since the last Madhatters update? Well, it's difficult to know just where to start, but watch out for an interactive paper map with pictures and little dots and everything next time.

JOHN AND Carrie receive thanks this issue, for the supply of one of the pictures, featured in a section of this platter. Which it is, cannot be divulged, due to fear of recrimination, however it does feature Brian Benson. Hope the shorthand exam went well John.

SI BENNYBennett and John Johnny Wyatt are rumoured to have a short film project up their sleeve. Apparently the two will be the only actors in the short piece which Simon is hoping to film around Easter.

In the last issue of hatters Davey P's e-mail address was incorrectly listed on the back page. The correct address is:

davenewmedia-works.co.uk