Page 1

• BACK IN THE DIRECTORS CHAIR
  IT'S BEEN a busy few months for Mike Crane, what with him recently turning 25, rumours arife of presidential aspirations and the news that he is directing the UHDSproduction of Bugsy Malone which performs to the world on March 5th-7th.
  Some might comment on the fact that this little outing with the Drama Soc sees Mike entering into his seventh year with the society. However Mike, who is still studying his masters whilst working part-time for Student Services at the University, is still as much a part of the Drama soc as he ever was. more...
• Maclean-Young Love Nest
  AH, Luvvies in the air, the sweet smell of roses, Valentines day just passed and Madhatters planning a romantic weekend in Paris for 50, but above-all, Jane and Bruce who met each other way back when in 1991 are to tie the proverbial knot.
  Ok, so we know the news isn't exactly new, most of you who weren't absolutely caked will remember the announcement of the engagement at the Cornish banquet, but it's great to see them get it together. more...

Page 2

• MADHATTERS Editorial Panel
  Dave Patrick, Simon Hopes, Simon Bennett, Andy Roughton, Caroline Payne, Chris Hanham, Steve Phipps, Ashley Pearson, Simon Burges, Anne-Louise Harvey.
  Please address all contributions, articles, photos and letters to: MADhatters more...
• LETTERS
  Dear MH,
  I couldn't help but be impressed by the quality of the publication in which I am hopefully now featuring as a letter writer. From strong features to in depth interviews there really is something for everyone in this almanac of old times and people. However, actually there is no however I just expected everyone to expect there to be one therefore put one in for the sake of it. All I can say is I Iove the new look, it's fun, feisty and full of my favourite people, good luck with future issues and long may it flutter through my letterbox in that oh so lightweight manner. more...

Page 3

• The old codgers column
  GROWING OLDER WITH DIGNITY?
  OUR OAP CORRESPONDENT STEVE PHIPPS REPORTS more...
• Hanham's Happenings
  Again we welcome you to the not-first in a series of non-probing articles on nothing of consequence whatsoever. Chris Hanham explores the bizarre yet always extraordinary depths of his mind to bring you "Hanham's Happening's", [pronounced, 'an 'ams 'app 'nins].
  News more...

Page 4

• MADhatters
  We want to hear from you, even if it is to complain about the price of eggs.Don't be shy, don't be bashful, drop Madhatters a line, anything, no matter how trivial you may think will be most welcome.
  Be sure you keep us up to date with your address, and don't forget ours (see below). Until next time. . . more...
• Thanks to everyone
  Thanks to everyone for making it a marvellous trip. Sorry to those who didn't manage to make it, they'll be another outing to the same place in a few years. Meanwhile see the trip news on page 5 for details of this years Madhatters weekend away in Paris (France) not Texas.
  more...
• CORNISH BANQUET Dec '96
  Cornwall. Sounds a bit like Bournville doesn't it (©Andy Roughton, 1997)? Well, O.K., perhaps not, which was good, as chocolate was not the attraction for the Hatters and friends who made the long, but worthwhile, trek down to the tiny Cornish fishing village of Port Isaac, one stormy winter's night late last year.
  For those who couldn't make it, here are some snaps as to what you missed. Those who did will be glad to know that despite our rowdy, lecherous and drunken conduct, Mike, the owner of the Old School Hotel, has made it clear that we are welcome back anytime. more...

Page 5

• Madhatters Paris Jaunt 1997
  I recall Central Park in Fall, how you tore your dress, what a mess, I confess. Utter nonsense - maybe, inappropriate - certainly, but Paris, city of l'amour, je t'adore and Jacques Delors, is the setting for a remarkable extended weekend in October. Some folks may remember the last time the likes of HPDSwent on a romp around Europe's most romantic city. Well this is going to be slightly different, but in many parts the same....
  ¥ 2 night's bed & breakfast accommodation at a centrally located 2 star hotel more...
• MADHATTER OF THE MONTH
  She's bashful, she's brainy, she's balmy but above all she's brandishing her passport with full intent. This issue's Madhatter of the Month is Jayne Ellis, star of such monster film smashes as 'Wings', the movie and 'Isn't she lovely, aaah.' . Mother of six, Ellis, who recently donned costume to play the Queen at a series of celebrity banqueting tours in Port Isaac has been busy making her preparations for an Antipodean tour where she will be interviewing ex-convicts about the price of used cars. Entitled 'Ellis Explores' watch out if she waves that microphone in your direction.
  *ELLIS Explores... more...
• Edinburgh Festival End of Aug 1998?
  BY POPULAR demand, Madhatters is at present trying it's hardest to secure a week's, (yes a whole week), accommodation in Edinburgh exclusively for a Madhatters group, for the festival in 1998.
  This would be University accommodation or self-contained flat type things - generally quite cheap and we'd all be together. I'm hoping that the approx. cost of the accommodation will not exceed £70. For anyone who hasn't been to Edinburgh, especially during the festival, it's a fantastic atmosphere, the Fringe supplies a veritable plethora of culture for all tastes. Better still, the pubs are open till 3am. Have a chat with someone who's been before - they can vouch for what an excellent atmosphere it is. The festival runs for the last three weeks in August. Please, let me know your thoughts on this. more...

Page 6

• Nice One Cyril
  It's a fact that statistically speaking, and I know that I love to quote statistics, in fact I like to quote statistics almost as much as I like to digress, anyway where was I, oh yes, it's a fact.
  Oh forget it, read the front cover of the last issue. My point is, well it's about babies actually, and the fact that Honey and Nathan (pictured left) are going to have a baby. That's the news - baby factory Langcaster-James moves up to the top of the Madhatters baby league with a surprise but, "very welcome pregnancy". more...
• READER'S HUSBANDS
  THIS WEEK'S Hatters pin-ups are chunky funksters Simonand Phil, from Walton-on-Thames. These funky fellas win £25 which we hereby claim back in blackmail money. So, well done.
  We love Madhatters, says Simon, "I especially like Bloater's column". Well, Simon, I'm sure there are some lurvely ladies around here who wouldn't mind spending an evening admiring your column too! Oops, pardon. more...
• Pennock- the man from U.N.C.L.E.
  Following the birth of his 8lb 6oz nephew later Yesterday on or around 20th Jan, Neil Pennock embraced Unclehood in typically fashionable style. Expect a full review in the next issue including Neil's top ten hints on being an uncle. His sister, Heather, and baby Jacob are doing fine.
  more...
• This could be your cake
  This could be your cake. How would you eat it?
  (Harve's Hot Puds above) more...
• If this were your car
  If this were your car, would you cry?
  (Car Corner - page 7) more...
• HARVE'S HOT PUDS (SOME OF WHICH ARE COLD)
  Apologies for the delay in providing you with the much-hyped Harve's Hot Puds (some of which are cold). This is due to much time being taken up in research and the fact that as a result of the increased calorie consumption I had problems fitting through my front door and venturing to the postbox. Doh!
  The desserts have been placed in reverse order of preference although I feel we must make the reader aware that the list is open to personal interpretation - one man's ice cream is another man's sticky pud - so they say. more...

Page 7

• ALL QUIET ON THE UAC FRONT
  
  After the success of the premiere of The UAC Film Company's last blockbuster "Friday Knight", the recent lack of news from the organisation had sparked rumours about its demise. more...
• MIKE HAVER MOVES OUT OF HOME
  HAVERWATCH by Simon Hopes
  Mike Haver has flown the nest and that's official! At the tender age of 28, ex-technical crew guru Mike has decided the time has come to move out of his parents'¿ house in Fleet. He is moving to Reading, where he is setting up home with recently graduated doctor, Meg Birks. Both have recently passed their motorcycle tests, bought a bike and plan to marry sometime within the next 30 years. more...
• STOP THIS MORTGAGE MADNESS
  BRITAIN'S GOING MORTGAGE CRAZY!
  Exclusive by Simon Hopes and Davey P. more...
• Insurance premiums set to rise???
  GARY STEVENSON AND KATE HATHERLEY PASS DRIVING TESTS!
  by Simon Hopes more...
• Bottom Gear
  THIS WEEK: Rovers C to M
  If you want to Rover - get a Rover, the advice of Mrs Beeton still holds true today. In fact somewhat truer, as vehicles of the quality we now see were never enjoyed by that great cook and woman. These cars offer comfortable accommodation with surprising performance, and even more surprising accident opportunities. more...
• Record numbers of nearly new cars bought by Hatters.
  A small mini boom in Madhatters motor sales both new and secondhand is being enjoyed by garages and dealers all over the country. Well, OK, mostly secondhand.
  It seems that many more are joining the happy band of drivers strengthening global pollution levels. Young sprite of a nip, wee lad, Jolyon Hennings recently fluked his way into a Vauxhall Omega 2.5 V6 only to have it rudely taken away and replaced with a company Rover 400. Kath Whibley was seen sporting a spanking nearly new Toyota Rav 4 down in Cornwall. Warren Sweeting enjoys his Xantia, whilst Si Burges and Davey P recently caught the Rover bug buying a 620SLi and 220SLi respectively. Madhatters is obviously hoping to exploit this potentially lucrative car market, and would like to take this opportunity to invite some extra advertising revenue. Sam, of course, buys a new Porsche every week and Steve Phipps has cash coming out of his ears, as of course does Paul Gidley. . . probably. more...

Page 8

• SOCCERWATCH
  YOUNG BOYS IN THE PARK by Andy Roughton
  Luvvies v Hatters (and we're not talking about Luton Town for all those familiar with the nickname of that dreadful club based in darkest Bedfordshire, the hotbed of football fervour and passion). It's possible that there may be a game soon for the Madhatters XI. Details are sketchy, dates are unconfirmed, pitch condition is good to firm. more...
• NEWS from the present University of Herts Drama Society.
  THROUGH THE EYE OF THE NEEDLE
  review by Simon Bennett more...
• Harris finally sings Pavlova
  PEER PRESSURE at a recent Rolf Harris gig by rowdy Madhatters forced the Australian demi-God to break into a spontaneous rendition of his b-side classic song, Pavlova.
  Rolf obviously a bit knocked back by the fact that anybody would remember one of his b-sides, let alone one of his a-sides, was so taken aback that he launched into the song there and then, leaving his backing band somewhat bemused, although they did join in as the song got going. more...
• LATE news
  Intrepid explorer Kev Whibley has been a-visiting Australia over the festive period, and is rumoured to have liked it so much that now back in England he bathes in XXXX and can skin a Dingo from 40yds.
  Potty professor Simon Hopes demonstrated his firework ability with an enormous Banger celebration to bring in the New Year. The event was applauded and later forgotten by all who attended the Miller/Hopes/Winter do at the New Year. more...