MY NAME IS __________________________ AND I LIVE AT THE ADDRESS OVERLEAF
On Saturday 6th October 19__ I walked into the Galleria and stole a grape. This was spotted by a Store detective and during the ensuing struggle I unfortunately shot 3 innocent passers-by. I regret my actions and am willing to pay for the grape.
Should it be necessary for me to attend court to give evidence I shall.
Further to my above statement should it be necessary for me to admit to any other crimes I will, as long as they are written in pencil. I would also like to state at no time did I give anybody permission to jump in front of my bullets.
Signed __________________________
Please fill in and hand to a member of your local constabulary.