Hanham's Happenings
Posted at 4:34 pm on 9/1/98
Hamlisch 'n' Chips

Marvin Hamlisch may never see again. That's if Newham artist Benjamin Limb has his way. He plans to construct a massive steel and concrete sculpture around the 70s composer's head. The structure, which will be shaped like an omelette, will be large enough to contain hundreds of shops, a boating lake, riverside restaurants, a small town, and a phone box.

Once the centre has been erected, Mr Hamlisch will mounted on a floating gimbal, and tethered "with rope".

Consulting Engineers Haslet Barnes' previous projects include 'A recipe for fish'.

Fiona Fullerton has said that she might use the shops "to buy socks".

Biscuits for all

Everyone loves biscuits - even Helen Phelps. Odd, Alan Titchmarsh. Why not think of all the biscuits you like and remember them in your head.

Big Spoon Scoop

Archaeologists in Lincoln think they may have found the World's largest spoon. Situated under the city centre, it may measure as much as 1.5km in length. It is believed that it may once have been used "to stir something very large". Probably.

BREAKING news

Steven Speilberg has just secured the film rights to Delia Smith's Complete Cookery Course. The culinary classic is due to go before the cameras sometime in 1998.

A doctor in Bolivia has found a cure for bacon - in the back of an egg.

Product News

This issue sees a plethora of new and unusual products from the ever innovative world in which we all live, even Chris De Burgh.

  • At a recent trade conference, delegates were surprised to see a dog made entirely from milk. The Dairy Dog should be on sale in the Spring.

  • Kelloggs, the cereal innovator, are to start trials for their new "Balti Flakes" in the new year. They are expected to appeal to people who like curry. And cornflakes.

  • A new board game recently appeared on shop shelves to much acclaim - Milton Bradley's "Pass the Arse". Fun for all the family. Apparently.

  • Baxter's, the Royal soup maker, reckon they've cracked the perennial late night snack-stroke-info hunger problem with "Soupernews" - all the week's news... in a soup.

    Frank's Shrinking Formula

    Frank Williams has been shrunk to the size of a small hand. The move follows a recent trend of downsizing within the company, although a Williams spokesman was keen to emphasise that this was not the reasoning behind the decision. "We believe that it will offer an increased level of pocket-sized motor-racing fun" he said. Frank's mother has expressed her concern that he may get lost "behind clocks".

    As yet, Williams engineers have been unable to reduce the size of their mentor's wheelchair, so for now he is getting about on people's shoulders. Like a parrot.

    Dykes in Diapers

    The pilot for a new American game show, "Dykes in Diapers", goes out on air this week. CBS executives have high hopes for the new formula, which is based on the successful yet unseen British show "Lesbians in Nappies".