Some particularly interesting insights by the journalist formerly known as Badger.

If you have ever dreamt of taking the town of Stevenage, copying it at a sub-atomic level and then placing this copy just south of London, then you have probably been dreaming of Bracknell.

Bracknell was built at the dawn of the concrete age and is truly a fitting testament to the work of the 'Ready Mix' trade.

I have been working in Bracknell for the past nine months at the head office of Avis, the car rental company. During my time here, I have stumbled across a strange and terrifying secret that may threaten the future of mankind as we know it.

Bracknell is in fact a way station for an alien invasion of our planet. This may sound crazy, but over the past nine months I have compiled a dossier of conclusive and irrefutable evidence. I am now convinced that Bracknell is the key location for the infiltration of our society by evil deviant aliens.

The evidence that I have gathered is divided into three categories. These are my audio, visual and behavioural observations. For your benefit and safety, I will now elaborate on the tell tale signs that you must all be aware of:

Firstly, my audio evidence: In the same way that German spies in World War II found it hard to master an English accent, these aliens seems incapable of mastering even basic English grammar. As well as this, they begin each sentence with a strange alien word which sounds like 'ear'. These two faults combined lead to commonly heard phrases such as, "ear, did you see what we woz doin" and the unmistakable "ear, did you see what we done". Surely, no human being could make such glaring grammatical errors.

Secondly, my visual evidence: When these aliens are not wearing their standard issue office suits, they wear a strange 'casual' uniform in order to blend into human society. This uniform consists of Nike trainers, Ben Sherman shirts and cream coloured 'Dockers pants'. This results in the aliens looking like some grotesque life size facsimile of the pictures in magazines such as FHM.

Finally, my behavioural observations: In the months that I have now endured amongst these alien fiends, I have witnessed no discernible sense of humour. Also, when not at work, these aliens behaviour is startling. During the weekends, these aliens merely sit in front of televisions in an attempt to absorb as much of our culture as possible. Also, they make weekly visits to cheap night-clubs in an attempt to spread their alien seed amongst us.

As you might be able to imagine, I now have grave fears for my sanity. I am not sure how long I have left before I am replaced by one of these creatures. Please, I beg you, if you value you humanity - save me from my job.