Ever been in the office and thought "mmm... fancy a nice doughnut or a piece of pie"?

So you nip down the Lard Shop and pick yourself up a nice Cholesterol Cardiac Cream Cake (codenamed C4 - yes, that's right - the human equivalent of the very popular, easily obtainable explosive - as seen in all good UAC films and often handled by screaming children!)

Now, when you get back to the office and start devouring your desperately needed sugar-saturated purchase, what happens? That's right, you begin to get it all over your work, on the keys of your computer and on the dress of any lab assistant you may be fondling at the time, causing no end of problems later in explanations to your Boss, wife and hardware maintenance persons...

But now there is no need to fear stuffing your face. No, because Professor BOB has developed the CAKE SLING, a device which attaches around the head, supporting any foodstuffs you may wish to ingest. From ice cream to rock cakes, with just one flick of the head the food is swung into position, allowing you to munch while you work, while you garden, even whilst watching TV.

For the more adventurous of you out there, why not try the CAKE SLING DELUXE, which offers Geo-Stationary Food Location. No matter what orientation you head is in - whether you're having a quickie or really going for it - your food will stay right where you want it, ready to give that vital energy when required!

To order call today or write to Pointless Purchases, enclosing your cheque for £49.99 or £59.99 and we'll dispatch your CAKE SLING when we can be bothered to move our fat arses.