Nic McMahon and Richard Dean.... indulge themselves in a sexist foire into the world of ladies tennis. Uncovering an exclusive plot by top brass to change the game forever. The story unfolds...

In an effort to fight the incresingly boring nature of the women's game at Wimbledon, the WMI (Wycombe Mammary Institiute) have revealed they have been in secret talks with Timothy Ipsolon Teddington Smythe about introducing topless play if the weather is, "Really nice".

With an increasingly professional and athletic game, encompassing the fastest serves and the hardest returns, the men's game is peaking. Many men including Mr Teddington Smythe (or TITS as he is known to his mates) are asking, "Why have women at Wimbledon at all? Most are ugly lesbians and the rest are crap at Tennis". Indeed it was this double fault that led the WMI to approach TITS.

TITS, a retired army major from Battersea, has lived near the famous ground for 15 months and is said to have, "his finger on the pulse of Wimbledon". Although not actually an official at the club it is rumoured that the top men think a lot of TITS.

The WMI state that the time is right to move the emphasis from tennis to female nudity. In a press release they stated, "It is the 3B principle: Great Britain, Great Beef and Great Breasts. There is nothing the British man likes more than seeing naked breasts".

TITS in the front line enlisted the help of his mates Gerard Ashley Stuart Hall and Bernard Rupert Oliver William Nicholas Stanley Turret Anvil Rawlinson in a bid to get Great, Exciting, Tennis, Yet Erotic Rudeness To Initialise Tantalising Service & Outrageous Unclothed Talent.

Let's hope next year the bounce is put back into Wimbledon.