Following a hideously twisted evening in the salubrious drinking establishments of Soho with colleagues the youthful forward found himself at a house of ill repute, well the accommodation of 'some lass who was a mate of someone at work', on waking in the wee small hours in need of a squeezing of the weasel he left the bedroom in which he dozed to arrive on the landing, not being totally aware of his surroundings, and still slightly under the effects of the previous nights excesses he opted to turn left to find the required receptical for his burgeoning bladder.

Unfortunately this turned out to be the top of the stairs and before he knew it the bottom of the stairs. Roughton, million lira rated goalscorer for the Verulam district league reknowned Crown FC, picked up cuts and bruises to the head, a loss of skin from one hip, both knees, a shin and one foot as well as bruising the other foot.

Nevertheless with true spirit he turned out for the good of the team the following Sunday netting a brace in a 5-3 victory which took the side to 2nd in the league. A heroic effort you may think, and well you may but the story does not end there alas.

The following Sunday a cross came in from the right, Roughton rose like a salmon (or phoenix from the flames if you prefer) landed, the defender landed on him and broke a bone in the top of his foot. Now if you are still reading this you may wonder quite what the relevance of the first part of the story has, well it transpires that the bone was initially cracked in the drunken incident therefore Roughton could fairly legitimately claim that it was the excesses of alcohol that accounted for his incapacitation rather than simply someone standing on his foot.

N.B. it should also be noted that after the footballing incident he continued to play in a manner not dissimilar to Bert Trautman in the 1953 FA Cup Final. (he played with a broken neck!)

A cheery footnote to this whole sorry episode is that it is not just goalscoring that Roughton has in common with Alan Shearer, they are also both quick healers. A little under two weeks in plaster and he is now well on his way to plaster free recovery. And the moral for us all, if you manage to injure yourself in any way, ensure that there is an alcohol based reason. Madhatters would love to hear if you have picked up any amusing injuries, illnesses or diseases (unless you are Warren in the case of the latter obviously) so write in NOW.