Simon H 30/4/2001, 13:14
Email Not Given
Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday Dear David Wild

Happy Birthday to you

Enjoy those kettle descalers and scouring pads. Make them last !!

Lord Sitar 30/4/2001, 10:10
Email Not Given
I am the gay Lord Sitar. Let me please you with my gainfully tuned sympathetic strings.

Ken 30/4/2001, 9:39
Email Not Given
Happy Birthday Dave Wid, I'm glad you're happy because that makes me happy as well. Thanks for a great evening Si H & Phil, hope to see you both very soon.

Dave Wid 30/4/2001, 9:1
Email Not Given
It is my birthday today. I am 30. I feel nearly as old as Steve Phipps. That made me sad. Angela bought me a DVD player. It made X-men come on my telly. Now I am happy. It is sunny.

sex_bomb 27/4/2001, 20:48
Email Not Given
heya peple get on horny tonight

Unknown Person 27/4/2001, 20:30
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

Simon H 27/4/2001, 16:6
Email Not Given
Dave - don't want to cause any trouble but I was going to have everyone over my house on the 18th. I've had enlargement surgery on my toilet zone and I was going to have a 'coming out' party and show everyone.

dave 27/4/2001, 12:24
Email Not Given
Andy and I are having terrible trouble organising this as Saturday's are generally bad throughout the summer what with weddings, gigs and birthdays... however we are working on the best date to suit everyone involved. August 11th still looks like it might be the only date available, but we will have to start early K.O. if some people are going to Kath's. I suggest at the moment 11am Kick Off.

dave 27/4/2001, 12:10
Email Not Given
OK Kath - don't want to miss your birthday. How about August 18th then?

Brian B 26/4/2001, 22:31
Email Not Given
Okay Kath, August 11th it is!

Kath 26/4/2001, 17:52
Email Not Given
But don't rearrange just for me - I'm sure I have a few others friends who would come out to play!

Kath 26/4/2001, 17:51
kathryn.whibley@weightmans.com
spooky! I just felt the need to look at the site. I am planning to have my 30th party on 11 August though not sent out invites yet. All would be invited so as long as anyone fancies coming up to Mancland and can come up after the footy then cool. I'd better go away and sort something out now.... see ya

dave 26/4/2001, 13:10
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
The new date for the footy is looking like Saturday 11th August how's that sit with everyone? Anybody getting married, having a holiday or playing a gig?
Tentative players are:

Andy Roughton
Ken Rodrigues
Dave Wild
Phil Miller
Phil Hatherley
Chris Evans
Brian Benson
Bruce Maclean
Stuart Ellerker
John Meares
Steve French
Nick Mahon
Steve Phipps
Simon Burges
Matt Belton
Si Bennett

Des Lynam Joke 26/4/2001, 11:6
Email Not Given
There are three potato princesses, who are all talking one day about who they are going to marry.The first says 'Well when I grow up, I'm going to marry a Jersey Royal', the second says,' Well thats nothing, when I grow up, I'm going to marry a King Edward'. The last princess swoons and says,' When I grow up, I'm going to marry Des Lynam....'. ' Yurrrggh!' sy the other two, 'You can't marry him, he's a common tater'

Ken 26/4/2001, 9:32
Email Not Given
Dave, football is bigger than just one person please don't let me stop the match being played on the 21st July. However I would very much like to see the highlights of the match in a Match of the Day type presentation.Over to you Gary Stevenson.

Coach 25/4/2001, 17:56
coach@FAHQ.com
We that's just great I'll have to re-arrange all of the training schedules..................................... Right everyone have extra beer if it is the last date, but of course only half it is the first, if either of the middle dates go for a chaser rather than the last pint. If anyone gets a chance punch that annoying sh*t in the Lucazade adverts and you can have a packet of crisps with every other pint. GOOD LUCK !

dave 25/4/2001, 15:41
Email Not Given
This always seem to happen to me... arse.

dave 25/4/2001, 15:40
Email Not Given
Important NEWS - listen. I've checked with the Sports Centre and there is a problem with Sat 28th July - would August 11th be OK for everyone? Or how about Sat 30th June? Sat 21st July would also be an option but I think young Ken might be on honeymoon.

Ann Dee 25/4/2001, 13:23
Email Not Given
Nice to see the return of the Insulter, a clever quip indeed. However, given that I am a legendary swordsman you are clearly mistaken or in fact have no idea who I am. That said, I am more than comfortable with my sexuality and would question as to whether being referred to as a homosexual is in fact an insult at all. Probably only to those small minded individuals with inner turmoil over their feelings. Anyhoo, to matters football, Lerks would probably play, thanks for the tip Ken but I'm not sure who of the current or recent crop I know, or actually have a contact option with, or indeed whether they have the slightest interest or ability at the working mans ballet.

Ann Dee 25/4/2001, 13:19
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

Nick Wiggins 25/4/2001, 13:5
Email Not Given
Is that "winged" in the Clare Rayner sense? If so, I am up for it. If not I may have to give it a miss. W/e in July and August are a bit of a nightmare.

Ken 25/4/2001, 9:25
Email Not Given
I'm up for the Challenge Cup, I'm quite happy to hand over skippering duties to someone else for the ROTW side as I will miss the build up to the cup. Would the following please respond to the ROTW rallying call: the 2 Phil's, John Meares, Dave Wid, Chris Evans, John Wyatt, Nick Mahon, Ashley Peason the winged wonder Wiggins, MC Crane, and anyone else who is up for the match. Roughts you do have the young whipper snappers from the present UHDS to choose from as well as people like Tom Pitt Chambers & Quintin and those who left the society within the last couple of years?

bloospoon 24/4/2001, 18:25
bloospoon@hotmail.com
Nothing said.

The Insulter 24/4/2001, 17:44
Email Not Given
The only place you'd run out is out of the closet, fagboy.

Ann Dee 24/4/2001, 13:33
Email Not Given
Well now, that makes me a little nervous, Benson turning out for the ROTW side, hmm, does anyone still live in Herts? Frenchie, Me, Daveth, Phippsy, Brucie, erm have I run out?

Chopper Benson 23/4/2001, 20:35
Email Not Given
Dave, does that mean you're planning on having some sort of Birthday thingy on the same day. Boulmer's a long way, and I'd like to have to come down just the once. I would certainly like the opportunity to hack all those legs that are up for donation.

The Coach 23/4/2001, 16:6
Email Not Given
Well, we can all say that can't we - 'It's just a bit of fun'. But lets face it - at the end of the day, when its three-nil and we're staring into the cold hard face of relegation, it's skill and talent that counts in this game and if we haven't got the kind of strength in players that can pull victory out of the jaws of defeat, then we're going nowhere. It's like Bobby Charlton used to say - "if you're players are about as much use a penis enlarger with no pump, then you may as well not turn up for the game". And he's right isn't he -because that's what we all are in this life, penis enlargers and it's the size of our pumps that matter in this game..... erm... what was the question ?

Steve French 23/4/2001, 13:35
cosa@nostra.fsnet.co.uk
Davey, If everyone isn't too embarassed about my last 2 football performances I'll have another go. But don't blame me if I keep letting in goals. It's supposed to be fun isn't it? Stevo

Simon H 23/4/2001, 13:50
Email Not Given
I meant of course the East coast. Devon is on the West Coast.

Simon H 23/4/2001, 13:49
Email Not Given
Just to let you know that I've heard from Badger who is now officially on his first USA trip with close personal companion Madhatter, Chris Hanham. They touched down in Boston yesterday and we are going to be continuously charting their progress by satellite as they both arse around the West Coast. Watch this space for more details........

Bruce 23/4/2001, 13:34
Email Not Given
Go on then donating my legs is the least I could do

dave 23/4/2001, 12:3
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
Er, very good point steve can I correct that to Saturday 28th July. Thank you.

Steve Phipps 23/4/2001, 11:49
Email Not Given
mmm...one question I have is, what millenia calendar are you using Dave? July 31st is not a Saturday this year???

Steve Phipps 23/4/2001, 11:47
stephen_phipps@hotmail.com
Dave: Thanks for correcting the news item. Yes, I'll donate my legs to football again - I should be a little fitter than last year, now I've taken up playing tennis regularly again.

Dave 23/4/2001, 11:17
Email Not Given
Steve - about the collision, terrible affair, remember it well. Anyways - I have heard talk, talk of football, matches on the green and fair astroturf for the Madhatters Challenge Cup IV 2001 season. What say ye? All those who still have the legs are welcome. Please indicate your acceptance by replying here. The date is provisionally set for Sat July 31st. Andy and Ken should probably still be captains, unless there are any challenges or objections...

Unknown Person 21/4/2001, 12:0
Email Not Given
Did you see what I did their 'your anus' - 'Uranus'....

Dinosaur 20/4/2001, 16:51
Dino@saurus.co.uk
I mean, they died when Earth collided with Mercury - you must remember it? It was in all the papers at the time. Anyway, due to that they don't come and visit me, even when I move to a new house. :>(

Unknown Person 20/4/2001, 15:35
Email Not Given
Perhaps they collided with your anus fnnfff....fnffff.....fnfffff

Unknown Person 20/4/2001, 14:38
Email Not Given
Dino...how could your friends collide with Mercury exactly?

Dinosaur 20/4/2001, 10:27
Dino@saurus.co.uk
I don't have any friends...they all died in a collision with Mercury about 10 million years ago... :>(

Dave Wid 20/4/2001, 9:12
Email Not Given
Yes Brian, but it CAN get you into trouble, can't it. Anyway, are you coming down this weekend? Mr Patrick is comning up and we're hoping to have lots of clean heterosexual fun, but we'd still like you to come to.

Brian B 19/4/2001, 21:37
Email Not Given
I like sparrows and I like snow but I like snow more. I like to draw my name in the snow. Drawing names in the snow is fun.

Simon H 19/4/2001, 13:51
Email Not Given
I managed to hit a sparrow the other day as well.

Dave Wid 18/4/2001, 16:36
Email Not Given
I am now back at work. It is my eleventh day. My holiday is over, but I wasn't sad. On my holiday, I had fun. This weekend, my friend Dave is going to visit me. I will have some more fun. In a non bum sex way. It is snowing now. I am surprised.

Simon Hopes' Angry Neighbour 18/4/2001, 13:35
Email Not Given
I'd just like to point out that Mr Hopes has fired his porridge cannon in his back garden in plain sight of bith myself and my wife. In fact, on one occasion, Mr Hopes managed to cover both my wife and her clymatis with his sticky porridge. I was lucky not to get a face full myself. We were alerted by the loud booming noises coming from Mr Hopes' garden and when we went to investigate, the last thing we expected was a facefull of Mr Hopes' salty oats.

Simon H 18/4/2001, 13:8
Email Not Given
Sorry - I might have misled you. When I say 'spank the pork monkey' I do in fact mean that I have a monkey, who by some biological anomoly, has internal organs, fat and muscle that are the same type as pigs. Also, at the moment I am house training it and it often requires some form of physical punishment to steer it along the path of rightousness and not poo on my shaver. Therefore I have been spanking it. I'm upset that anyone would even consider that I, Simon Hopes, would ever charge up and fire my little porridge cannon !!!!

The Pork Monkey 18/4/2001, 0:0
Email Not Given
Look, I'm bloody well fed up of being used as a bloody euphanism. I didn't escape from the chimps teaparty in Chester Zoo just so you lot could take the mickiy out of me. No. I did it so I could fullfill my dream of being a pig farmer and at these times of crisis, the last thing I need is some bloody uppity tart who's balls only dropped when he was 28 going around using me as a bloody euphanism. Whats wrong with a good old fashioned wank? There was no 'throttling Kojak' when I was a nipper, oh no.Just a good old healthy wank, now where's the halm in that, eh?

Simon H 17/4/2001, 17:2
Email Not Given
Hello everyone. Yes I am now officially thirty. Isn't it great not to be going through puberty anymore. I'm quite enjoying it so far but do seem to be getting hair growing in some very strange places and feel a constant compulsion to spank the pork monkey. Thank you for all your get well messages though. Sorry I haven't been around recently, I've been away from work attending counselling for people worried about having pissed their first 30 years up a wall. By the way, did you know I was born in peacetime ?

dave 17/4/2001, 16:4
Email Not Given
Hi Jake, I'm great thanks mate. This weekend I'm going to see my mate Dave. Last weekend I saw my mate Simon. His kitchen is nearly finished. His friend Tom has a Landrover.

jake 14/4/2001, 23:44
keithlondrygan@ic24.net
hi to any one out there how r u

jake 14/4/2001, 23:43
keithlondrygan\\\\'ic24.net
Nothing said.

Unknown Person 13/4/2001, 23:23
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

Cannibal Joke 12/4/2001, 16:55
Email Not Given
A cannibal walks into a bar, with a long face. The barman asks him, "Why the long face?", to which the cannibal replies, "Oh, I just dumped my girlfriend."

dave 12/4/2001, 14:37
Email Not Given
Thanks Nick - I might just do that...!

Nick Wiggins 12/4/2001, 14:22
Nick.Wiggins@torbay.gov.uk
As the Regional Director for Madhatters in the Westcountry, can I take this opportunity to state that Devon is "OPEN FOR BUSINESS". Please don't be put off by the burning pyres, stockpiles of festering carcasses, and hospitals awash with suicidal farmers. The sun is shining, the hotels are empty, the sea is blue and the disinfectant shower block are standing idle. Come and join us for an Easter to remember. (Note: Not suitable for the young, infirm, expectant mothers or squeemish).

Dinosaur 12/4/2001, 13:38
Dino@saurus.co.uk
I remember the days when everyone had to listen to their web sites on the BBC's Home Service, and then along came B&W Web pages, full of text and scientific equations...and then they introduced monetary union and everyone had to convert their web sites to Euros...one guy refused and ended up working for Marks & Spencers...finally, common sense prevailed and not a little scientific progress!...Full motion colour came into the lives of our web site designers and Davey P (aka Moses) went up to the top of the mountain and brought back the tablets of Madhatters! There he re-inscribed our ways and means and brought forth a Renault and a web site "for the masses"! Oh lordy, praise be to all and heaven and earth and mars...the internet is our god and Madhatters is our Jesus for it has been foretold in William the Shake-a-Spear's writings....A very merry and happy Easter to you all...whoever you are and whatever you may be...ohhh I could go on and on....

Peter Sellers 12/4/2001, 11:37
Email Not Given
Oh shut up you silly minkey

Harry Secombe 12/4/2001, 11:36
Email Not Given
Hello Jesus my little seagggOOOOOooooonn they'll leave a.........ting ping ding! Varaaaaaaah! Hoo HooOOooo!

Jesus 12/4/2001, 11:30
Email Not Given
Hey up Harry, you alright me old tinker?

Dinosaur 12/4/2001, 10:22
Dino@saurus.co.uk
I seem to remember that 'Buddy' (I always called Jesus that) had invited us all to a 'last supper', because he was "...going to visit my father"! He didn't say anything about dying..but then I had to leave to go to a party in Albion - lots of leaves and berries there...yum!

Josie Hughes 12/4/2001, 10:15
josie.hughes@askeurope.com
Dave - I'm so happy you're happy, and I'm happy it's a holiday tomorrow. And I'm happy 'coz it's sunny here today. And I'm eating carrots. And I'm happy.

Dave Wid 12/4/2001, 9:9
Email Not Given
It is my ninth day at work today. It is sunny and I am happy. Tomorrow is a holiday. Holidays are fun. It is a holiday because Jesus died. I hope it doesn't rain.

Brian 11/4/2001, 19:46
Email Not Given
Hmmm.

Dinosaur 11/4/2001, 17:24
Dino@saurus.co.uk
Mine migraine hath subsid'd! Rejoice!

Dave Wid 11/4/2001, 8:53
Email Not Given
This is my eighth day at work. It is sunny and I am happy. I got business cards. Yesterday I got a mobile phone. Now I have two. I feel more important than I am. I hope I am happy tomorrow. I hope it is sunny, to.

Brian 11/4/2001, 0:9
Email Not Given
Ho hum.

The Devils R In The House ! 10/4/2001, 20:53
www.i_am_2_sexy@jodysmail.com
Nothing said.

Dinosaur 10/4/2001, 17:10
Dino@saurus.co.uk
Delectations.

bluealligator 10/4/2001, 3:44
blueali@email.com
Nothing said.

Brian 9/4/2001, 19:49
Email Not Given
Hello.

dave 9/4/2001, 12:39
Email Not Given
Hello everybody.

Unknown Person 8/4/2001, 12:18
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

Unknown Person 8/4/2001, 12:17
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

BULLA 8/4/2001, 12:17
Email Not Given
YO LADYZ

Brian 7/4/2001, 0:15
Email Not Given
Yep!

Steve Phipps 6/4/2001, 18:35
Email Not Given
There's a joke there Ken...but I'm biting my lip in the new spirit of "no piss-taking"...nnnnhhhhnnn...it's no good......must....log.....off......

Ken 6/4/2001, 16:21
Email Not Given
Happy Brithday Simon Hopes! Dave Wid, what did you do on your 4th day at work? Steve Phipps, unlucky on Tuesday night, I must say that I don't think United will get through to the semi's. My money is on Leeds. Who do you fancy Dave Wid?!!

stu 6/4/2001, 16:0
Email Not Given
[img]http://www.prime-web.com/Ultimate20/tline.gif[/img]

dave 6/4/2001, 1:43
Email Not Given
Brian - is that really you? By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMON HOPES - he's 30 today, I said THIRTY, 3-0. Happy Birthday matey!!!

Brian 5/4/2001, 19:38
Email Not Given
Hi!

Steve Phipps 5/4/2001, 17:40
Email Not Given
Of course...there is always a dancing monkey to prove me wrong...

dave 5/4/2001, 16:37
Email Not Given
Each show page has an area where you can leave comments you know! It's just that if you bury this stuff deep in the site very few people go there - apart from on occasions. Anyway, I am overhauling the site and I will take that excellent idea into consideration dave. This site is really well behaved now, do you think we can coax more people to chat now? E.g, Chris Hanham, who incidentally has this page set as his home page has not once even contributed so much as a how do you do. C'mon Chris - get your fingers wrapped around that Keyboard. And where's Andy Roughton got to?

Alfred The Dancing Monkey 5/4/2001, 14:29
Email Not Given
.Iye...aghgreeh, thihss ss thur onleegh fghforunmn fore ee too hairgh 'y viewoose. Ghwiv out thishs shsite I wvwould ee a lost sowl.

Steve Phipps 5/4/2001, 13:25
Email Not Given
but surely Dave, the mere fact that people are attracted to the site to read the often humorous, and only occasionally gratuitious verbage, means that Madhatters is getting so much more exposure than it otherwise would. To reduce the scope of chat would be to trivialise it to a clique of well-informed and probably aged luvvies.

Dave Wid 5/4/2001, 13:12
Email Not Given
In an attempt to help steer this site into having a little more to do with theatre and less to do with offensive monkeys, how about an extra page on the site where we can all give accounts of dreadful on stage gaffs and cock-ps. I could recount in explicit detail how it felt to thump Harve; and of last year when I peed myself just prior to going onstage....we could call it 'Caroline Payne's Shrine to Screwing Up' (Caroline being the original F@*k Up Oscar winner) You could include streaming video footage of her kicking Roger in the balls. Which is nice.

Alfred The Dancing Monkey 5/4/2001, 11:26
Email Not Given
Gottle of geergh, gothlghe ofgh gheerh.

Dave Wid 5/4/2001, 11:25
Email Not Given
I thought pseudonyms were temporarily banned. Stephen, you are a mere fabrication and should cease you're posting immediately before you open the flood gates to a torrent of tasteless and offensive gump across the hallowed madhatters pages. I mean, you'd never catch me using a pdeudonym....

Stephen Gatepost 5/4/2001, 10:57
Email Not Given
Hi, you may remember me from teen-fastic boy-band S-Spliff-7 and I feel much better thank you.

Dave Wid 5/4/2001, 8:47
Email Not Given
....er...nope, you've just put the image of you naked in my head. I am now totally inconsolable....

Steve 4/4/2001, 17:59
Email Not Given
Okay...for all those people who have had some sadness in their life (their team lost, lottery didn't come up again, it rained, etc.) lets get naked and have a group hug! Now say after me..."I love life!"...there now don't you feel much better?

Dave Wid 4/4/2001, 17:51
Email Not Given
My third day was nice, to. I had coffee and a wireless LAN. It hailed, I wasn't sad.

Dave Wid 4/4/2001, 17:49
Email Not Given
So did Stoke, Steve, so I feel that we can share a little common pain there. I hope that knowing that lightens the burden a as much for you as it does for me. You have my sympathies, but not too many of them 'cos you're a Scumchester United fan.

Steve Phipps 4/4/2001, 17:44
stephen_phipps@hotmail.com
Kath: You're never 30! I would have said that you've barely reached 21! Dave Wid: I've always respected you as a class act(or). Hope your new job is going well! Ken: No matter how much hair you have, you're just simply the best!. Dave: please get rid of this colour - my migraine is getting worse...and to cap it all, United lost last night...grrr!

Dave Wid 4/4/2001, 17:14
Email Not Given
Did you manage to get to the footy last week, Kat?

kathryn 4/4/2001, 17:8
kathryn.whibley@weightmans.com
Having a break from work and see everyone talking about being 30 - well I'm 30 on the 11 August and looking forward it! I will be having a party and you will all be invited....details to follow. (by the way Dave - pink is my favourite colour - fab!)

Dave Wid 4/4/2001, 13:16
Email Not Given
No chance, baldy. You're hair has probably gone for good. Nice to see everyone being a little nicer. Mmmmm, nice. Not sure about the pink, Dave. bit bright if you ask me.

Ken |Rodrigues 4/4/2001, 9:40
Email Not Given
Many happy returns Dave Higgs (Cuz) on turning 30 last week. Thank you very much for e-mailing that photo which must have been taken circa Chicago? I'm only guessing that because I am plus hair on my scalp and minus goatee. Well there's an interesting thought perhaps if I shaved my goatee off, my hair would grow back?!

Dinosaur 4/4/2001, 9:29
Dino@saurus.co.uk
Y'know, I don't know if its my age affecting my eyesight, but I swear the colours on this sight have turned a gay, pastel-shaded, B&Q-like hue - Dave...I think I'm getting a migraine...

Dave Higgs 4/4/2001, 0:19
david.higgs@aldasys.demon.co.uk
Turning 30? Nothing to report, really. Since UH, the hair has been getting more grey - the bones started creaking long ago and I've always made funny noises when I bend down to pick something up - but that's due to something else! The celebrations consisted of a lager and curry night (with the lads) followed by a rather more sensible dinner with the parents and then a mexican and lager night with my sister and her husband. Needless to say my digestive system is well on the way to recovery. All in all, turning 30 is great - you get lots of great pressies to try and distract you from the passing years!

jazz 3/4/2001, 22:33
Email Not Given
is there any life out there?

jazz 3/4/2001, 22:33
Email Not Given
Howdy doody.

dave 3/4/2001, 21:30
Email Not Given
By the way - happy birthday to Dave Higgs - just turned 30 on 30th March. Maybe you could give us an account of what it's like Dave?

Steve Phipps 3/4/2001, 13:55
Email Not Given
Happy Birthday Si - 30 is great as long as you don't think about it and get morose about your life passing you by and getting nearer to dying, and your limbs creaking every time you wake up in the morning...etc...but otherwise it's great! You might want to start hedging your bets though and finding religion...Anyway, as for bets, I bet it's me...or Dino...or both?

Dave Wid 3/4/2001, 13:33
Email Not Given
My second day is just as nice. I had a sandwich. As for you Mr Patrick, stop trying to rub in the 30 thang. It doesn't change anything. You'll always be a couple of years ahead of us in The Great Race to the Reaper. Talking of which, have we, in the great tastefull Madhatters tradition, started taking bets on who will be the first Madhatter to die?