The Insulter 28/2/2001, 13:10
Email Not Given
Scores please, Biddy.

The Insulter 28/2/2001, 13:10
Email Not Given
Oh HA HA HA. I laughed so hard when I read that 'mass debate' gag I soiled myself. Honestly, I did, and so did my Mother, my Father and everyone else I know and share this godforsaken world full of unimaginative, humourless bags of shag mess like you. I bet you tell seafood diet jokes and posess a complete collection of Joe Pesquale DVD's. Tosser.

The Wrencher 28/2/2001, 9:46
Email Not Given
Insulted in Sunderland, when was the last time you had a good mass debate?

Insulted of Sunderland 27/2/2001, 18:50
Email Not Given
I don't think I like this Insulter fellow. Seems to suffer from some sort of stutter when he gets worked up. Thank you for the score update Biddy Printer, but I don't think I wish to get into a mass debate with some that far down the food chain. My apologies John, no insult intended!

Biddy Printer 27/2/2001, 17:13
Email Not Given
The Insulter 2 Hemless 0

The Insulter 27/2/2001, 16:9
Email Not Given
Then how can you reach the keyboard, tosser? With your long and hairy monkey arms is my guess, to go with your hairy monkey face.....or is that your ass?... Who can tell.....?

steve diver 27/2/2001, 14:48
Email Not Given
Will the real Steve Diver please stand up! please stand up! please stand up! etc, its me!.

The Insulter 27/2/2001, 12:15
Email Not Given
Hemless, sounds more like dickless to me. Stop dagging at John and go teach your your dolphin how to spit cream whilst flickin through your Thai Ladyboy Catalogue. Deviant.

Hemless 26/2/2001, 22:36
Email Not Given
John, have you just found your dictionary down the back of the sofa? You were probably cursing at its loss, but now must be overjoyed at its discovery! I don't know much about loqu...thingy..ousness, but I have found some great porn sites.

John 26/2/2001, 22:9
jay_wyatt@hotmail.com
steave, or is it liz? I feel you'r not really entering into the spirit of this chatroom thing. The syntax of your message is more akin to one trapped in a collapsed building than one who, as your so clearly state, 'want to talk'. Feel free, liz/steave. Let it all out. Draw back your head and let roar to the winds a torrent of thoughts, a niagara of emotions, open your heart and let slip the dogs of loquaciousness. Now then. I've said my piece, and let us have no more of this 'it is liz want to talk' style of dreary blather.

26/2/2001, 19:31
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

steave 26/2/2001, 19:15
steavenhomas@diver37freesever.co.uk
it is liz want to talk

liz 26/2/2001, 19:11
lizy@onmail.co.u
Nothing said.

steave diver 26/2/2001, 19:10
stevenhomas@diver37 freeserver.co.uk
Nothing said.

Steve Diver 26/2/2001, 19:58
steventhomas@diver37.freeserve.co.uk
Well who else do you think it could be Dave? Nice to see you are all still active. I could do with a night at the Horn but its a bit too far. Miss good venues but its good living otherwise up here. Contact me on email provided. seeya

Alfred the Dancing Monkey 26/2/2001, 9:25
Email Not Given
.....Adolghf, Iyl lhet you in ighf you turn the motherfughher with his hand ufgh my arghse into soapfp.....

Psi 23/2/2001, 18:10
Email Not Given
After a good few minutes pondering I can categorically state, Hemless, that I have in fact accused myself of not being the person who accuses himself of being the accuser, just not in public. Furthermore I was right. However I in turn accuse you of being John. Further to other points recently made I will be at the Horn tonight and I vote for Homeless due to the fact that he or she is amusing and frankly it's not as if we can stop them is it?

Dad 23/2/2001, 16:43
@mature.com
Do you not all have work to do?.. three pages of colon references? speaking of which whos going to the Horn..i am

Simon H 23/2/2001, 15:59
Email Not Given
I meant 'hairy' not 'hariy'. There's no such thing - I just tried to look it up.

Simon H 23/2/2001, 15:58
Email Not Given
Actually... I'm not sure that was entirely called for.

Simon H 23/2/2001, 15:58
Email Not Given
I've just thought of another 'xx days to go' countdown link on this site - How about 'How many days until my rectum explodes if I don't go for a big hariy one soon' ........... .co.uk

dave 23/2/2001, 14:38
Email Not Given
I'm more concerned by the resurface of Steve Diver, if indeed that was him. Was it you, Steve he asked tentatively?

Adolf H 23/2/2001, 9:42
Email Not Given
Well Herr Patrick...do we allow foreigners onto our sacred webspace or not....This question has vexed me...I personally would leave the matter entirely in the hands of Alfred the Dancing Monkey....

Hemless 23/2/2001, 0:49
Email Not Given
There aren't many people who are associated with the ability to find obscure words. With a few moments of thought, I accuse Psi Bennet of not accussing himself of not being the person who accuses himself of being "The Accuser".

Slightly Misspelt of the NE 23/2/2001, 0:43
Email Not Given
I correct myself - Onanise, NOT Onasise, which is no word in particular. I wish I could level the playing field by showing my buttocks. However, my buttocks aren't as interesting as you might think!

Slightly Confused of the NE 23/2/2001, 0:19
Email Not Given
Apparently onasise has something to do with masterbation - are you calling me a wanker!? You've caught me at a bad time as I'm very pissed. However, at 00:28 in the morning, I feel as though I may be able to crush the revolt from the ...ers! Speak your peace and forever remain silent

The Accuser 22/2/2001, 21:5
@t's enough of that
Not really, Homeless - for I accuse YOU of being a roaming friendseeker with no social skills except those required to sit in front of a keyboard and onanise. Although, admittedly, that does mean you have a lot in common with the average Madhatter.

The ......er 22/2/2001, 19:48
Email Not Given
Haven't though of a name yet, but no matter. I think we have too many ...ers on this chat page. Clearly these people are seriously embarrassed about their own identity and are trying to make this a fun place for everyone. I take it upon myself to invite all non-ers to help flush out these ...ers and return the page to a tedious, unfunny, boring, waste of web space. Who's with me??

Ken's Colon 22/2/2001, 17:56
Email Not Given
Hello, I'm Ken's colon and I thought I'd introduce myself just while Ken's popped off to the lavatory. Now you're probably thinking what's Ken's colon doing on a computer while Ken himself is in the toilet - well you'll be glad to know he's just gone for a tinkle. He's not due for a number 2 for another 50 minutes, and I can promise you - I'm brewing up the biggest, dirtiest, stinkiest row of dogs eggs you've ever seen. Luckily he feeds me enough curry to do achieve this. Anyway, I can hear him coming back so I'd better make myself scarce. Will chat soon when I get another chance. Oh the things I can tell you about what he does when he's on his own.......... Bye

Mr Spell Check 22/2/2001, 13:54
Email Not Given
wo hoo!...the insulter lives!!! please take the piss out of Dave Wid or are underneath that hard pulsating exterior of torment and vitriol really, the evil Dave Wid

The Insulter 22/2/2001, 12:51
Email Not Given
.................i........l..i..v..e....

Alfred the Dancing Monkey 22/2/2001, 12:10
Email Not Given
....I'll geat the guckin lihfe out o you you toghhsser, stichkt 'his...

The Ventriloquist 22/2/2001, 12:9
Email Not Given
...ufghhhh Alfred, why are you.....ufghhh...?

Alfred the Dancing Monkey 22/2/2001, 12:6
Email Not Given
...gchristh..noooh, noch thaat you stuvid tit.....'..Fighhhly Foghblubghee christh Floo, urghh, Fighhgblubbw fechk! Foggglhee uuurghhflumbp...

The Ventriloquist 22/2/2001, 12:1
Email Not Given
.....I know Alfred, why don't you sing your favourite song 'Bibbidy, Bobbidy, Boo' for the boys and girls whilst I have a little rest and drink this Yard of Ale....

Homeless 21/2/2001, 23:1
Email Not Given
Should I be thanking you, The Accuser. Is this support for entry into your club?

The Accuser 21/2/2001, 22:33
1066andallth@
I accuse...everyone, yes all of you, of avoiding the question posed by Homeless of Sunderland. Can s/he join us, or are we a completely closed club? Perhaps a policy directive from Il Duce Patrick is required.

Steve Diver 21/2/2001, 16:10
steventhomas@diver37.freeserve.co.uk
Hello and greetings Many year has passed and I now live in Lincolnshire. I now run a business that hires large inflatables to shows in S.E England. Still record music and would like to keep in closer contact with what now seems such a distant memory. Please contact me and tell me of any events that may be in planning. Thanks and best wishes Steve PS does anyone Know where I can get a video of the 1993 Grease production?

The Wonderer 20/2/2001, 22:56
notsecret@all
I wonder who the accuser could be? Did they spell Bennett wrong because they can't type or because they don't actually know me that well?

Psi 20/2/2001, 22:54
simon.bennett@ntlworld.com
You've got me bang to rights. I just wanted to be all cool and mysterious like the other famous 'er's. Don't hate me for it, Pity me, but don't hate me... please? (And I didn't even get to a second wonder, poo.)

Homeless of Sunderland 20/2/2001, 21:1
Email Not Given
Hi, how you all doing? You all appear to be very interesting people, and on the whole, quite amusing. I'm looking for a place to hang my conversational hat. Would you mind if I joined you?

Mr Spell Check 20/2/2001, 17:15
Email Not Given
Mr Accuser.....I understand your grievances, however speaking for my right honourable friend, please can you right this out 100 times "I accuse you Mr Simon Bennett" Many thanks, spell check complete

The Accuser 20/2/2001, 15:43
jackhughes@pointedfinger.net
I acuse YOU, Simon Bennet, of being the Wonderer. State your escuse for hiding behind a pseudonym like a cowardly...oh.

Dinosaur 19/2/2001, 17:0
Dino@saurus.co.uk
I remember the Beano, as clear as if it were published yesterday...

dave 19/2/2001, 13:48
Email Not Given
Yes, I remember 'hedging my bets' between Shiner and Sid (aka Sid's Snake), heads of the Chip-ites and Whizz Kid gangs respectively. I remeber being not too taken with the thought of getting a shiner every week if I were to become a chip-ite. Likewise I didn't like the thought of being the victim of any 'snake-japery'. Come to think of it, I tended to read Tiger and Scorcher much more with such classics as Skid Solo.
While we're at it, can I just say that the Viz-esque contributions have not gone unnoticed. And, would the real Steve Phipps stand up please?

The Wonderer 19/2/2001, 9:53
Hmm, I wonder
Does anyone remember the comic 'Whizzer and Chips' it came in two halves and you were meant to align yourself as a 'Whizz Kid' or a 'Chip-ite'. I wonder if there were any kids who decided they wanted to be Chip-ites? (Because quite frankly it was a crap name)

Dinosaur 16/2/2001, 12:31
Dino@saurus.co.uk
I remember the days when monkeys were monkeys and sausages were long and juicy and went down a treat...

Cyril the Spanish Sausage 16/2/2001, 12:15
Email Not Given
eeh a you ...you a ventriloquist....you make a my a friend Alfredo a very un-a -happy ...I go to tell his mamma ...unless a you do your a jiggy a thing!!

Alfred the Dancing Monkey 15/2/2001, 16:38
Email Not Given
ook, ook....no iyyn not dancing ghhor you, you irritatting tghhhat..ghhor christs sake,. .....ill sumhone get heee away ghhhrom this idiot...ook

The Ventriloquist 15/2/2001, 16:34
Email Not Given
So, are you going to dance for us Alfred

The Refuter 15/2/2001, 13:24
Oh, I think you can work it out
Again I heave a deep sigh at the simplistic views of the Ranter but this time I decide to set out some of the ways in which R is wrong and others in which R is simply misguided. I do this merely because I think that things are rarely as simple as they seem and I wish people to recognise that little is achieved by ranting. From the top then: If banks or any other institutions are becoming 'unreachable' this is only because governments have no power over them, the reason for this would be that the government needs the bank's money more than the bank needs the government. There is a way a government can reduce this reliance but that would be by high taxation, which you consider to be bad. If you are unhappy with your bank, move your account. Despite agreeing that bp are guilty of a pretty dubious marketing ploy I must correct you. The bp is in fact now meant to stand for 'beyond petroleum' partly to remove the word British because of the merger between BP and another oil company (I believe, Exxon) Most forms of renewable energy require some sort of process to convert the energy into electricity (in fact I can't think of one that doesn't) The company which provides this process incurs a cost and therefore can charge for the energy. The energy is not free and there is every opportunity for profit. I await the spilling forth of more nonsense from the Ranter's keyboard

Alfred the Dancing Monkey 15/2/2001, 13:10
Email Not Given
....gottle a geer, gottle a geer.........yer sohfht shite gasterd.

The Ventriloquist 15/2/2001, 13:9
Email Not Given
Oh, isn't that nice. Can I get you anything Alfred. A drink maybe? After a drink, you could dance for us, wouldn't that be nice. So Alfred, what do you want?

Alfred the Dancing Monkey 15/2/2001, 11:57
Email Not Given
.....ello goyz an girlz.

The Ventriloquist 15/2/2001, 11:56
Email Not Given
Hello boys and girls, I'd like you to meet Alfred. Alferd is my pet monkey. Alfred likes to dance. Only, I'm afraid he's a little shy, but maybe, if you all say 'Hello Alfred the Dancing Monkey, can we be your friend?' Then maybe, just maybe, Alfred will say hello.

DaveWid 14/2/2001, 14:1
Email Not Given
......thoughts on mortality by Old Man Phipps. Mind you, I guess it feels closer to some.

Steve 14/2/2001, 10:59
stephen_phipps@hotmail.com
I found this while browsing, so thought I'd share it with you: I wonder if all we know is a dream. Maybe we're all a different form of life than what we think. A form of life that's so mentally advanced that we're all connected in our dreams. Perhaps life is just our "real" selves sleeping. A 6 to 8 hour sleep would equal 60 to 80 years of what we consider life. When we die it's just the "real" us waking up. If the "real" us wakes up, then goes right back to sleep...it's considered what we call resuscitation. And if we talk about seeing the "light at the end of the tunnel", that's just because someone turned on the light switch in the "real" world. If you're awake for a short period of time then go back to sleep, you're a ghost. You're a ghost because you still remember the dream, therefore you remember that you've died. Since you think you've died...and since it's all a dream...you choose to be a ghost. If you stay awake long enough, you're gone from this dream world we call life. By the time you go back to sleep, you've forgotten everything that happened in your last dream and you start "life" over again...as a newborn child. Sometimes you remember things about your dream throughout the day while you're awake...so when you go back to sleep, and start your "dream" life over again, you may vaguely remember some details. This would account for theories of reincarnation.

bruce 13/2/2001, 14:27
Email Not Given
Simon check, propsonfilm.com, freebie props for your next film??

Dinosaur 12/2/2001, 11:10
Dino@saurus.co.uk
Ahh, now, you see, in the old days, we used to walk everywhere...

Richard 12/2/2001, 0:6
Email Not Given
Ah forgot to mention, we're holding off the premier until later in the year since we've got a couple of projects we're working on at the moment -- the last premier was October 2000 when we premiered Vixen.

Richard 12/2/2001, 0:2
richard@lancelot.org.uk
Yes, it's me getting on top of things for a change. Lots of things have happend -- new houses, getting an office for the company and even an employee now. I must pop into Hatfield one ofthese days and catch up with you -- I pass it enough on my way in and out of London.... How about a Madhatters event one evening or something ? It would be nice to meet up again after so long

Ken 11/2/2001, 19:29
Email Not Given
Richard?...is it really you?..after all these years?.It would be a pleasure to see your Channel 7 films....when is the premiere?

Richard 10/2/2001, 12:23
Email Not Given
All this talk about films.... One of these days I suppose we'll have to invite the lot of you to a Channel 7 Film Festival.... For more details see www.channel7.org.uk Oh and if there is anyone out there who wants an acting role we are looking for a couple of people...

John 10/2/2001, 10:30
jay_wyatt@hotmail.com
Thanks Dave, but I wanted to keep it independent.

The Ranter 9/2/2001, 15:1
ack@ack.com
Isn't it great to see that the Banks are making so much money at the moment, well done, they really earn it. See how interest rate mismatching serves only to increase their "shareholder value". These companies are becoming unreachable, above Government intervention. Oh and Shell too, nice. they must have worked really hard for that 9 billion profit. Not like they were all complaining that they barely break even on petrol sales at the moment because of high taxes and crude prices now was it... The one that cracks me up is the BP fad at the mo for cleaner greener petrol - they're trying to come over as caring company, I feel they are underestimating our intelligence somewhat surely! BPs new image as a Green Company is a complete piss-take, who are they trying to kid. Oh yeah, they changed their name from British Petroleum to, get this, British Power. This is to show that they're more than just a petrol company but a caring "energy" company who invest heavily in renewable energy. Hmm. lets work this one through. BP gets all it's profit from selling an energy source that is limited in supply, so the less available it is, the more profit they make. But oh, now they're a company dedicated to energy sources with an unlimited source, ie FREE, ie no profit. somehow I don't think so. Did you ever wonder why governments were so keen to invest in nuclear power in the 50s rather than Hydro/Wind/Wave/Solar power? Big industry involvement in a finite energy source with a huge maintenance cost... Where's the profit in wind energy, or wave energy? It's all a conspiracy! Sorry, Rant over...

Dinosaur 9/2/2001, 11:34
Dino@saurus.co.uk
Dave - There's an Olde Tyme Music Hall near Old Street & Brick Lane that looks interesting? Do you know it?

dave 8/2/2001, 15:7
Email Not Given
Hello, anyone interested in taking part in controlled test's for 'Ken's Curry Korma'? By the way, when is the next big Madhatters event... I haven't got anything to countdown to! OK, somebody give me a suggestion.

dave 7/2/2001, 13:54
Email Not Given
John - I've just had a look at your site and rather than add a link, how about I add a section on this site. I'm updating the mechanics of it and I would gladly create an area which you alone could update. Your top musing can also be highlighted on the home page - much like the Breaking News section. E-mail me and I'll set it up for you, makes more sense than people having disparate home pages don't you think and seeing as you are a key MH Editorial Panel man.

Dinosaur 6/2/2001, 12:35
Dino@saurus.co.uk
Dave - can you set up a link to my new website: www.iamold.com/ancient.html where people over a certain age (actually, you qualify!) can talk about the problems associated with ageing (long nose & ear hairs, boring war stories, large gums, patronising children, etc)? My first discussion topic is "Should you wash your hands before or after handling your spouse's colostomy bag?" - it should prove to be a riot as soon as I work out how to get some young tyke to create it for me...

John 5/2/2001, 22:56
jay_wyatt@hotmail.com
Josie - nothing implied at all. I'm sure your driving's fine. And you can hardly notice Sion's nervous twitch. And for everyone else, I've just set up a website called voice of reason, which is intended to bring a hitherto unseen reasonable perspective to current news stories. It's at www.homestead.com/voiceofreason/reason.html. Dave - how about a mutual link? And anyone else - how about some contributions? Just email them to me at the above address.

dave 5/2/2001, 12:9
Email Not Given
You people are mental.

Dinosaur 2/2/2001, 17:4
Dino@saurus.co.uk
...I remember when the pheonix died and was reborn in fire...or did I watch that on the box last night...?

Mr Denial 2/2/2001, 15:45
Email Not Given
Don't go accusing me, I don't even know him......

Fiery Phoenix 2/2/2001, 15:41
Email Not Given
And I'm the space ship out of TV's 'Battle of the Planets'.

Joquain Phoenix 2/2/2001, 15:40
Email Not Given
Am I related to you ?

River Phoenix 2/2/2001, 15:39
Email Not Given
I just wondered what all the Madhatter's hopes and dreams for 2001 are. Email me here because I'd be interested to know. Even though I am entirely dead, I'm really looking forward to the UK and West Indies Test Cricket rematch later on in the year. Ciao Bambinos

Simon H 2/2/2001, 12:37
Email Not Given
Actually - apologies, I took that out of context !!! I'm an arse.............

Simon H 2/2/2001, 12:29
Email Not Given
I believe the Goader is trying to cash in on that sadly dated year 2000 'Insulter' fad. Can we presume it's the same person ?!!

Dinosaur 2/2/2001, 12:1
Dino@saurus.co.uk
...I remember when tosspots were only used to pour tea...

The Goader 2/2/2001, 0:54
Email Not Given
He was saying that you drive with all the coordination of a drunk baboon. Go on, you can't let him get away with that, thump the tosspot.

dave 1/2/2001, 12:48
Email Not Given
Sorry about the problems we appear to be having with the 'news' services at the moment - I will look into it.

Josie 1/2/2001, 12:1
josiehughes@askeurope.com
sadly, not a humourous car crash, and one that certainly wasn't my fault! I am now without car and am reduced to using our crap PC at home with its very dodgy keyboard, rather than my lovely wizzy one at work. My fault - humph! What are you implying about my driving Mr Wyatt

Peter Mandelson 31/1/2001, 22:28
bloodyhell@whatthefuck.gov.uk
I once made an enquiring phone call - oh no, hang on, I got someone to do it for me. Oh shit, that's my career down the tube.

John 31/1/2001, 22:24
jay_wyatt@hotmail.com
'Car crash, etc, etc?' Let's have a bit more detail so we know what style of get well message to send. Could it be a humourous one with cartoon nurses, or a serious one with a picture of some flowers? Oh, and whose fault was it?

sion 31/1/2001, 17:12
Email Not Given
apologies for my wifes bad spelling

Josie 31/1/2001, 12:33
josiehughes@talk21.com
And another thing. I'm stuck off work for another 3 weeks (car crash - bad back etc, etc) and am going out of my mind with boredom - PLEASE e-mail me at my home e-mail so I know the outside world still exists (josiehughes@tlk21.com).

Josie 31/1/2001, 12:30
josiehughes@talk21.com
Can I just say that Liz's offer has nothing to do with me!

Simon H. 31/1/2001, 12:16
Email Not Given
Nice redesign David and thank you for the UAC site link. What's next ? Well I'm settling down to a nice few long months of writing a couple of feature films and actually having a social life. May make another short film towards the end of the year about 2 kick-boxing chicks who fall in love with an RAF pilot named Flight Lieutenant Brian Benson who is being blackmailed because of some sexy shots of himself with an armadillo. Steve French may also return behind and in front of the camera later on in the year. Other than that all films are going into festivals and competitions and we'll keep you posted of any successes/screenings. Later !!

Liz & Josie 31/1/2001, 12:2
liz.j.smith@avon.com
Simon - the offer for two kick boxing chicks for your next film still stands. I know you're going all romantic and slushy now - but we're REALLY good. Please give us a chance.

Ken 29/1/2001, 11:52
Email Not Given
Are there any photos of ensign Benson with an armadillo? I know someone who would pay handsomely for such a photographic feast.....

Chris Evans 30/1/2001, 11:0
Email Not Given
Sorry I couldn't make it Si. Sounds as though it went well. The problems of setting up your own business are that weekends no longer exist. Still, if anyone out there needs a PR agency drop me a line. All new business welcome.

davey 30/1/2001, 22:3
hello
Well, I for one am thoroughly delighted to have taken part in such a grand event... so what's next Si? What happens to UAC films now and can Madhatters have an exclusive interview?

Simon H. 30/1/2001, 16:26
Email Not Given
And from me a big thank you as well to all who attended and your complimentary comments. We all thoroughly enjoyed it and are glad you did as well. The bands were superb - thanks again Mr P and Jo - and the naked go-go girls dancing show upstairs was an a 'rousing' success !! Oh sorry - didn't I mention that bit in the invite ? I wondered why only Brian Benson and an armadillo were up there. And I tell you what... the things Brian can do with cheese string.

Thank you all for your support.

Josie Hughes 30/1/2001, 12:11
josiehughes@talk2.com
Just to add to the general comments about the premier - it was fab! The UAC gets better & better, and the bands were great.

dave 29/1/2001, 16:7
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
Jolly good show, what?

Phil Miller 29/1/2001, 13:15
phil@dreamingfish.co.uk
Dear all, well another Premiere comes and goes and once more we received such great support from the Madhatters posse! It was indeed the biggest and best UAC Premiere to date and all the films went down really well, as did both the bands. Big thanks to all for turning out, especially those that I didn't get a chance to thank on the night (or in a number of cases even say hello to!) It all went by in such a blur.....

Dinosaur 29/1/2001, 12:15
stephen_phipps@hotmail.com
Happy New Millenium everyone. I trust you've been changing your underpants regularly as part of your New Year's Resolutions? Don't forget to empty your colostomy bags down the toilet - it only makes a mess in the bath. At ease now!

Steve French 29/1/2001, 11:55
cosa@nostra.fsnet.co.uk
Troops, Just a quickie to say thanks for all the positive comments and support given to us on Saturday night. Madhatters rule!! It was great to see so many of you there and I 2nd Daves comments. Here's to the next time we all meet up!!! Also I'm sure you'd all want join me in saying a big well done to the bands. Both 'Squeak' and 'The Silent Prayers' kicked arse!! So, well done Davey and Co. You remain, as ever, the man!! Steve

Dave Wid 29/1/2001, 10:47
Email Not Given
As we can see from the now negative numbers on Davey's counter, the Film Premiere has now been and gone. I'd just like to take the opportunity to say thanks again to Simon and Co, for a great evening of entertainment. As usual, it was great to see everybody and I am already looking forward to the next great opportunity for us all to get together. Great.

Chairman of NSPCWO 26/1/2001, 17:38
theshed@outhouse.org.uk
I have read the guide lines for dealing with people who willingly damage their sheds and deprive various amounts of crap a natural habitat in which to live. There can be no confusion on this matter, the individual must be made to declaire their unconditional love of spoons, in a small village in Cornwall during a Madhatters banquet just after desert has arrived. Of course this punishment can be handed out well in advance of the crime, being committed. Failure to attend is punishable by various horrible means. Therefore anyone not having a damn good excuse for not attending such an event will suffer the concequences. (Crap excuses include but are not limited to 'We're saving up for an extension')

Nick W 26/1/2001, 16:20
Nick.Wiggins@torbay.gov.uk
Burn him at the stake, evil tory woodburner. As long as it's not a wooden stake of course. Perhaps even a steak. Would that do? I'm sure my fellow members of the NSPCWO would approve of that.

Simon H. 26/1/2001, 9:42
Email Not Given
He'll go down for this.

Liz 25/1/2001, 17:3
Email Not Given
Did I say we - I meant Simon. I came home one day and it was in pieces - no warning at all.

Simon H. 25/1/2001, 16:58
Email Not Given
You know it's still illegal to destroy sheds. It's inhumane. I'm going to report you to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Wooden Outhouses for this.

Simon H. 25/1/2001, 16:55
Email Not Given
Thank you David 0 however, I'm afraid you only received the highlighted premiere control document, the original is 43 pages in length with diagrams and action point Gannt charts. You can never be too organised - that's what I say. Hang on, according to my toilet schedule I should have started taking a dump 2 minutes ago. See you on Saturday !!

Liz 25/1/2001, 16:29
liz.j.smith@avon.com
Sorry for being two weeks behind everyone else but I would just like to clarify a rather important issue. We have actually destoyed our shed - as you can imagine a very sad occasion. However from tonight I can park my car in the new garage - hurrah. I would, however, like to point out that selling a motorbike to buy double glazing beats the hell out of any shed activity - Mr Haver!

dave 25/1/2001, 13:40
Email Not Given
Has anyone any idea just how organised Simon Hopes is? This morning not only did I receive the complete revised and unabridged schedule for the smooth running of the Premiere but also some complimentary reading material that I can only describe was of a lewd nature. I must say that I wouldn't hesitate to recommend Simon for a key job in event coordination - If only someone would ask...

Man in dirty raincoat's friend 24/1/2001, 11:38
Email Not Given
Aye, and I wouldn't sit in the third seat along on the back row because I'm afraid I couldn't get to the tissue box in time during a showing of 'Charlie's Chocolate Action'.

Man in dirty raincoat 23/1/2001, 17:44
Email Not Given
Well...I would rather you didn't post up listings of the said cinema....It's a private listing for "Members Only" where one can catch amongst other delights "Chunky Assets Part 1" and "My wife had sex with an almond slice" which is on next weekend...d'oh!

dave 23/1/2001, 10:35
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
Hello everyone.. hope you are all well and looking forward to a cracking weekend (if you are coming) at the UAC Premiere.
So what's been going on in Madhatters land of late, well I'm working on the Editorial for Issue 11, which I'm hoping to release this Summer. Madhatters popping out of the woodwork, would you believe we heard from Melanie Downie (nee Burns), Monica Sidique (nee Sinha) and Salayha Hussain all in the space of the last month. I am also looking to co-ordinate another MH weekend. What about hiring a brewery in Bavaria for a weekend? Or maybe doing another 32hr challenge?
Finally congratulations to Justin Flute for setting up his own cinema - perhaps, we could advertise some listings on the Web site?
See you for now and keep chatting - if work permits!

dave 19/1/2001, 14:18
Email Not Given
In the toilet.

Unknown Person 19/1/2001, 13:5
Email Not Given

Dave,

Where is everyone?

Simon Hopes 19/1/2001, 11:12
Email Not Given
Just wanted to say a really big thank you to all who have sent in your forms for the premiere - I'm really excited that so many Madhatts and associated friends are coming. Altogether we have about 310 people attending the big premiere event with (as I understand) more like 350 - 400 going to be there by next week.

If you are thinknig of coming, please get in touch with me asap or simple send a cheque and the names of your guests to 87 Linden Road, Hampton, Middlesex, TW12 2JQ. Thanks again for all your continued support and I look forward to seeing you all on the night.

Simon

Steven Soddingbugger 17/1/2001, 11:15
Email Not Given
I haven't been so excited about anything since I screen tested Jennefer Lopez's ass for Out Of Shite. I wish Simon every success. I'm currently working on my new exercise and home improvement video where I hope to combine Tae-Bo and Feng-Shui, called Pecks, Thighs and Stencilling Paint.

dave 16/1/2001, 23:38
Email Not Given
I've just updated the Members page again, so you should have the most up to date e-mail lists up there. Apologies for not doing this for the last month or so.

Steven Spielberg 16/1/2001, 17:55
steven@aol.com
Hi guys, you may remember me from such blockbuster movies as Jewson Park and Schindler's Trousers. I have to say that the new UAC movie premiere is sending a sizeable shiver down my spine - I haven't tingled with anticipation so much since I saw Kevin Whibley in 'Student Life'. By the way, I am looking to remake the comedy 'Life in Hatfield' classic movie from those plucky Vantage Picture's boys. I am thinking of casting Dustin Hoffman as Gavin Westlakebridgehead (aka Whibley) and Leo Di Craprio as Muff (aka Si Bennett). I am currently reconstructing the 'D' corridor in Leavesden Studios. Ah, toast.

Ken 16/1/2001, 16:35
Email Not Given
Who else is excited about the premiere?

Dave Wid 15/1/2001, 13:34
Email Not Given
Though I have been married twice, I'd just like to say that I have never had a gherkin.

Mr Gherkin 12/1/2001, 16:53
ajar@cupboard.com
Right this is simply not exceptable. I have been trying to rig the vote, regarding liking tatty super stores, but I am simply not able to change the result I have so far by my estimation vote 10000000000 times, which is very difficult when your stuck in one of these sodding jars. By the way I keep spare pickling jars in my shed, although being stuck in on of these sodding jars makes opening the door a little trick.

Josie 12/1/2001, 16:10
josie.hughes@askeurope.com
We haven't got a shed - Sion won't let me get one! He's trying to deny his age.

steve french 12/1/2001, 15:44
cosa@nostra.fsnet.co.uk
Actually I have a metal shed. Unfortunately it was here when I purchased the house so I can't claim to be responsible for it's presents....er..presence...prezenze?

Si Burges 12/1/2001, 14:17
simon.burges@bigfoot.com
Even Si "two sheds" Smith is no match for those pop funsters, "Shed 7"

dave 12/1/2001, 11:47
Email Not Given
Er, sorry Steve - I did right an e-mail reply but I never sent it - I shall do this forthhence, hencewith, etc. By the way do you have a shed?

steve french 11/1/2001, 20:32
cosa@nostra.fsnet.co.uk
Davey, Thought I'd try to reach you on this site as you seem to pay more attention to this than your e-mails. Could you reply to my e-mail please and let us know the details re: the premier. Steve

Arthur 'Two Sheds Jackson 11/1/2001, 11:17
Email Not Given
NATCH

Simon Hopes 10/1/2001, 17:40
Email Not Given
So who had 2 sheds ? Sean and Josie ??

Dave Wid 10/1/2001, 14:33
Email Not Given
Though I have been married twice, I'd just like to point out that I have never had an extension.

Mr Divulger 10/1/2001, 9:46
Email Not Given
I would like to pass some highly sensitive information through the website, let it be known that many people died getting this material to me. The Smith's (Si & Liz)do not have two sheds.....they now have a fully operational extension, armed with a garage, bedroom and a fully flushing toilet....oh yes and they still have a shed...

The Dictionary Bore 9/1/2001, 16:22
Email Not Given
Its merely using the alternative meaning of shed. That is shed (v) as against shed (n) - which is 'lose by a natural falling off'. Which would be right. Basically were saying that a shed is called a shed because when you put things in it, you usually lose them. Especially if you put them in an instant tea jar, screwed to the underside of a shelf. Well I think that just about clears it up.

daved 9/1/2001, 15:39
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
Does anyone know where the phrase, "To Shed a Tear", comes from?

Dave Wid 9/1/2001, 14:4
Email Not Given
Though I have been married twice, I'd just like to point out that I have only had one shed.

Simon H 9/1/2001, 13:54
Email Not Given
I know at least one set of married Madhatters own two sheds (Si and Liz I thought ?). If the guilty party is reading this, please can they let us know what is stored in each and why they opted for a two shed scenario as opposed to the summer house/shed option.

Unknown Person 9/1/2001, 13:5
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

Fred West 9/1/2001, 12:55
Fred@therigthandofthelord.heaven.com
I have found sheds very uselful over the years. You can store allsorts of bric-a-brac, gardening tools etc inside the shed and plenty of other things under it. I do miss my shed and have mused many an hour since my passing about them. As I look down from heaven, I can't help feeling a small twinge of jealousy at all you mortals with your sheds. I can see millions of them beneath me and I do wonder what secrets they hold....and cover.

dave 8/1/2001, 17:29
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
Aahh, ha. Hello everyone. Did you all remember to take you Christmas trees down on time? I hid mine behind the shed. Which is another good reason for owning a shed. If you are in any doubt over the usefulness of sheds and general shedding, please contact me for more info.

Simon Hopes 8/1/2001, 10:14
Email Not Given
And while I'm here, please let me know as soon as possible if you are coming to the Big UAC Premiere on the 27th January. There are only about 150 tickets left (out of 500) and we would very much like to make it a big Madhatters night so please do come - The films are great (all broadcast standard digitally filmed nowadays!!) and we have two top bands. And if you've never heard 'The Silent Prayers' (Madhatters David Patrick/Si Burges) play - you're in for a big treat !! Hope you can come. Send your reply form as soon as you can !!

Simon

Simon Hopes 8/1/2001, 10:7
Email Not Given
Happy New Year !!!!!!!!!!!

Dave Wid 5/1/2001, 12:48
wid@workisapersonalhellthatdepressesme.com
I didn't actually speak to Dave this New Year, I got an SMS message. It too was a little incomprehensible......it read - oLUV U2 M?An ePISD AGAIN - to be honest, I hope Dave doesn't post what I sent to him. Oh yeah, Happy new Year Everyone.

Ken 5/1/2001, 9:50
Email Not Given
A rather belated happy New Year to one and all...Dave, I would love to have spoken to you on New Years Eve however I was feeling a wee bit tired and drunk.....rest assured Harve & Roughty I was nowhere near reaching the "Grey Stage"....though i've heard that Mr Hopes had quite a lot to drink, so he recieves my nomination. P.S. Please come back The Insulter and Revealer...you are missed

Nick Wiggins 3/1/2001, 20:31
Email Not Given
Lovely to speak to you at 2.30am, Dave. We must do it more often