Dinosaur 22/8/2002, 13:38
dino@saurus.co.uk
By the way, if you are a Sole Trader or a Partnership, you could save yourself more than 2 grand a month from the tax man...give us a shout if you want to speak to someone about it. And just to set your mind at rest, I get no commission or favours as a result of this, I have personal experience of the accountancy firm involved and can vouch for their reputation in this regard. Just helping out where I can. Ho hum. Oh dear...just realised this might break the new censorship rules...will it self-destruct...?

Dinosaur 22/8/2002, 13:32
dino@saurus.co.uk
Very much enjoyed Edinburgh...I remember when it was just a rock you know...then they built that castle...and then that railway...and then the drama people came...but nothing was as bad as the students...ho hum...thanks Dave...

Mr Gnome 22/8/2002, 13:10
Email Not Given
Dear Sir, as an avid reader of your hallowed columns I was wondering if you could tell me when that very nice man, Mr Simon Hopes will be going into producion on his next film. Thank you for expanding my diet The Skittles Vodka Man I'll try it at the weekend.

Slon 22/8/2002, 11:19
Email Not Given
Regular Skittles or Sour?

The Skittles Vodka Man 22/8/2002, 0:37
Email Not Given
Don't worry Gin Bitch, its easy. Simply add one large bag of skittles to a litre of vodka and allow to stand for 24-48 hours until the skittles have dissapeared. It will turn the colour of ditch water and have a worrying froth on top but don't worry, drink heartily and enjoy. Good luck Gin Bitch, somehow I know you're the girl for the job.

Gin Bitch 21/8/2002, 18:5
Email Not Given
I think the idea is to soak some skittles in vodka for a few hours to give it a better taste although I dont know the exact packet to units but will have fun trying. May convert me from the gin but unlikely!

John 21/8/2002, 12:16
Email Not Given
What's the vodka and skittles thing? Please share it with us, GB.

Gin Bitch 20/8/2002, 20:26
dawnjeffery@hotmail.com
Hello to one and all of my drinking partners in Edinburgh. My liver is still recovering however I am hoping to try the vodka and skittles thing with the landlord of my locoa tomorrow night. Thank you to Dave and Caroline for organising it, will be up for it again next year

Le Burge 20/8/2002, 9:58
Email Not Given
This message will self destruct in 3 seconds....3......2.....1......D'oh! Now I look silly. The Ponderer's postings are now really tired. At first he was just, well, rude and offensive but now he's dull. Anyway, tell me about Edinburgh (the festival fringe, not the city). Did anyone go to the tattoo this year? Or climb up the hill thingy? Dave - have you found that Mac MS Office CD?

Nick 20/8/2002, 16:45
Email Not Given
We could vote on holding a vote. (There speaks the man who works in Local Government).

dave 20/8/2002, 16:44
dave.patrick@wellstudio.co.uk
No Andy, he uses a clever piece of HTML which self destructs the message.
OK, if he/she is being censored then it's only because of needlessly twatty behaviour. So it's selective censorship. There. Anyone else wanna try and have a go, otherwise I'll take my ball back. John - I really don't know who the Ponderer is, all my big talk is only a bluff... er, I mean - or is it?

Ann Dee 20/8/2002, 15:31
Email Not Given
Clearly the Ponderer is being censored, there was a message on here from him just now that has disappeared. Can we have a vote on censorship?

John 20/8/2002, 16:22
Email Not Given
Dave, why don't you tell us who the Ponderer is? And who's 'L'? And when did we start putting *s in the sweary words?

Dustbin Flute 20/8/2002, 15:12
Email Not Given
He's just thrown up in me.

Sarah 19/8/2002, 20:28
Email Not Given
Hello Meg, I'm happy to do girly things or the footie, Ken made a suggestion of drinking wine which sounds rather good! I'll definately be coming down anyway.

Mike H 19/8/2002, 16:15
Email Not Given
Don't hesitate in telling the Ponderer what we all think of him will you Dave!

Ken 19/8/2002, 15:45
Email Not Given
Hi Meg, I think Sarah might come to the footie, I'll have to ask her.

dave 19/8/2002, 15:24
Email Not Given
You can f*ck off you big t*sser. We wouldn't invite you anyway... don't think I don't know who you are.

The Ponderer 19/8/2002, 14:41
Email Not Given
Should I go to Edinburgh next year and risk being sent catatonic by baby-talk, when I can stay on here and experience it from the comfort of my living room? 'L' would not be pleased!

Meg H 18/8/2002, 17:33
Email Not Given
Ken, look forward to your visit to Reading in Nov - will your lovely wife be joining you? If so does she want to watch footie or shop, chill at coffee shops and generally be a bit girly in Reading's town centre? I'm a fan of both activities so there is no axe grinding here!

Ken 16/8/2002, 16:17
Email Not Given
Mike, lets do November 23rd in Reading, i'm preparing to be depressed already! Dave - I want to come to Edinburgh next year as well.

Mike H 16/8/2002, 15:53
Email Not Given
Ken - November 23rd in Reading (the Madejski stadium in within walking distance of our house so it's easy to get there). The Watford home game isn't until 12th April and you'll probably be too depressed by then! ... and Dave, count us in for next year.

John 16/8/2002, 15:22
Email Not Given
Well, that's about eight, then, even with most people in Edinburgh. What a healthy and thriving cyber-community we are. Nick, it was In2 Black Men I went to see, and far from being a sci-fi comedy, it was a club in Soho full of moustachioed men in leather. Not at all like the trailer, but quite a fun night anyway.

dave 16/8/2002, 14:9
Email Not Given
Hello. I'm still in Edinburgh but can't resist having a sneaky peeky. We've been very happy and drunk this week. Lots of good show, a few howlers but a fantastic festival. Watch out for Jerry Springer - The Opera at a West End near you, Also The Dice House - both fantastic. Like to say thanks to everyone who has come this year for just being, well, great. I will be doing the same next year and I invite everyone who missed it this year to come up.

Ken 16/8/2002, 13:53
Email Not Given
Mike, how would you like the £20, cheque or cash! I'm not sure when the Watford Vs Reading clashes are, but do you fancy going to see them ?

Mike H 16/8/2002, 12:37
Email Not Given
...and isn't it nice and quiet with everyone in Edinburgh!!

Mike H 16/8/2002, 12:36
Email Not Given
Hey Ken - I'll put £20 on Reading finishing higher than Watford this season....

Ken 16/8/2002, 11:47
Email Not Given
Well I certainly hope not Chris, but it is still early days yet.

Chris E 16/8/2002, 11:18
Email Not Given
Morning. Late as usual. Nick how are the sleepless nights? Ken, I'll put £20 on Watford not scoring a goal all season and we are certainly in Div 2 next season. Hi John.

Nick 16/8/2002, 8:56
Email Not Given
Hello John. In fact hello for yesterday. How was In Two Black Men?

Mike H 16/8/2002, 8:38
Email Not Given
a day late but Hello!

Sarah 15/8/2002, 19:29
Email Not Given
Hello John! Some of us can only access the internet occasionally in the day (usually at the end), which may be why some people look but don't contribute to weird conversations.

Le Burge 15/8/2002, 9:39
Email Not Given
What?

Slon 15/8/2002, 17:32
Email Not Given
Hello, bloody hot in't it?

Ken 15/8/2002, 14:1
Email Not Given
Hello John & Kev, how are you both? Just been having arguements with couriers and a certain American ad agency, for being both irritating and totally incompetant. Anyhoo, I hope everyone in up there in bonny Scotland is having a great time and I will make a sure to venture up next year.

John 15/8/2002, 13:28
Email Not Given
Not quite easy enough, obviously. Just me and Kev? Come on, don't be shy! Oh, hang on, everyone's in Edinburgh, aren't they. Fuck it. Oh well, everyone else, let's see you!

kev t 15/8/2002, 11:31
Email Not Given
Hello (i'll put it in the right box this time)

kev t 15/8/2002, 11:31
Hello
Nothing said.

John 15/8/2002, 12:34
Email Not Given
Hello

John 15/8/2002, 12:34
Email Not Given
I think it's time for a poll of who's looking at the site these days. Come on all you look-but-don't-contribute people - let's see who you are. Everyone who sees this today, just post up a quick hello. I'll demonstrate so you can see how easy it is.

The Ponderer 13/8/2002, 12:38
Email Not Given
Arse to you Dr Freud!

Le Burge 12/8/2002, 9:38
Email Not Given
...and yea, forsooth, etc. Enjoy the Fringe, one and all!

dave 9/8/2002, 19:11
Email Not Given
Just arrived in Edinburgh and managed to connect to the INternet thanks to Gary's bright ideas of using comma's in the phone number. Anyhoo I digress, we're here and going to have a thoroughly good time. I've still got one more place left if anyone can make it up here.... happy camping.

Dr Freud 8/8/2002, 16:45
Email Not Given
And so I conclude my investigation....

Father Jack 8/8/2002, 13:3
Email Not Given
ARSE. FECK. DRINK.

dave 7/8/2002, 18:27
Email Not Given
Methinks the Ponderer's incorrect clock has given himself away. How can he answer questions before they've been asked? 'Tis magic.

The Ponderer 7/8/2002, 17:11
Email Not Given
Is that a double-bluff?

John 7/8/2002, 17:40
Email Not Given
Restrain your equines a moment, are you saying I'm the Ponderer?

Dr Freud 7/8/2002, 16:19
Email Not Given
No John, I'm still here.

The Ponderer 7/8/2002, 10:7
Email Not Given
What's happened to my friend the eminent Dr Freud? Is he examining his own anus as usual?

scully 6/8/2002, 13:58
Email Not Given
Like living with Big Kev again - only without the porn channel on cable

Ann Dee 5/8/2002, 17:17
Email Not Given
Don't you mean Tricia Sweeting?

Nick 5/8/2002, 16:27
Email Not Given
Dave - much as it appeals, not sure the current Mrs. Wiggins would approve. Having said that, sleepless nights dealing with piss and wind sounds strangely familiar. Book me a single, sound-proofed bed for next year.

dave 5/8/2002, 15:53
dave.patrick@wellstudio.co.uk
Hope everyone who's coming to Edinburgh is getting excited. Nick - Baby Thomas would have had a fantastic time if you'd let him come - oh, well - maybe next year. Well there's been a couple of last minute shuffles, but the good news is these are the people who are coming:

Dave Patrick
Caroline Payne
Dave Wild
Warren Sweeting
Tricia Potter
Jolyon Hennings
Juha + guest
Steve Phipps
Carolyn Phipps
Brian Benson
Chris Barrow
Simon Bennett
Simon Hopes
Jayne Ellis
Justin Flute + 4 guests
Badger
Chris Hanham
Caroline Griffin
Jo Litt
Gary Stevenson
Andy Roughton
 

There is just one spare place available now - if anyone is interested in a quick break next week let me know asap. Cost per room is £90.

Jo Litt 5/8/2002, 14:40
Email Not Given
not sure who remembers my friend Lesley (she was a fairly frequent attenders of the font bar) but she too has joined the baby-making fraternity and gave birth to a healty little boy last Wednesday.

Josie 5/8/2002, 13:19
Email Not Given
Congratulations Nick & Sarah, and welcome to the world Thomas

Slon 5/8/2002, 9:28
Email Not Given
Sorry I'm late, been away. Congratulations to you Wiggins's's's one and all.

The Ponderer 5/8/2002, 9:5
Email Not Given
Humph!

Q 5/8/2002, 1:12
q@willison.net
Well done Nick and Sarah!... And there I was thinking that all these married people were, like, really grown up... but BABIES is possitively next generation!... AHhhhhhhh! ;)

Carrie 1/1/97, 5:15
Email Not Given
Congratulations to you Nick and Sarah and a warm welcome to Thomas X I´m on a beach near Barcelona and its 33 degrees!

Dave Wid 3/8/2002, 14:57
Email Not Given
It went in the post thursday. Honest guv!

dave 2/8/2002, 17:46
Email Not Given
Dave - if you give me the money I'll let you know who's going. Excellent.

Dinosaur 2/8/2002, 16:52
dino@saurus.co.uk
Such a way with words...I can see why you're a marketeer...

Simon H 2/8/2002, 17:5
Email Not Given
Sorry Dave Wid - we're currently going through the BABIES phase of our peer group lives. We've gone through the MARRIAGES phase (bar the two hiccups). Oh and we're also currently passing through a wave of OH MY LORDY I HATE MY CAREER - THERE'S NO WAY I'M DOING THIS SHIT FOR THE NEXT 35 YEARS phase. We may be due a DIVORCE stage in about 6 years when some people get bored of each other and have a hankering for seeing someone else's naked body. Congrats to the Wiggins' by the way.

Steve Phipps 2/8/2002, 16:20
Email Not Given
Are you making fun of me Wid? 10 points for the first person to shout out from what film and stage musical is that a paraphrased line from and for an extra five points, the name of the song that it immediately follows?

Dave Wid 2/8/2002, 16:3
Email Not Given
Dave, now your back from your sojourn abroad, any chance of fullfilling the promise of posting the list of who's going to Edinburgh on the Edinburgh page? Thanks awfully. Oh, and well done to the Wigginses. Putting babies to one side for a mo, what I want to know is when some of you good madhatters are going to get around to having a divorce, I'm feeling quite left out.

Steve Phipps 2/8/2002, 12:56
Email Not Given
If anyone can give me a lift up to Edinburgh, please can they say so within the next two hours, otherwise I'll have to buy a coach ticket. Thanks awfully!

Ken 2/8/2002, 12:51
Email Not Given
Well done indeed Nick, Sarah and Thomas..., hope to see you all very soon. By the way Scully, Nick has never needed an excuse to have jelly and ice cream, come to that matter neither have I!

dave 2/8/2002, 12:30
dave.patrick@wellstudio.co.uk
Wey/Way/Whey to go Mr 'Clever Pants' Ponderer.

The Ponderer 2/8/2002, 10:55
Email Not Given
I think you'll find that 'whey' is spelt as I have done so - maybe it was whey out of your league?.

Nick 1/8/2002, 16:30
Email Not Given
Yes indeed, Thomas Wiiggins arrived (eventually) yesterday -see News for piccy. Many thanks from Sarah and I for your kind words. I'm most pleased with myself as I didn't faint (sorry Simon!) - even during the C Section. Hopefully some of you will be up to see us all in the Great North in due course, and no doubt once Thomas' passport arrives we will venture south of Scotch Corner.

Ann Dee 1/8/2002, 14:19
Email Not Given
Talking of cheese Dave, are you aware of the mighty tome "Who Moved my Cheese - an amazing way to deal with change in your work and life" by Dr Spencer Johnson? Apparently Gilberto de Silva (Brazil World Cup winning captain and new Arsenal signing) swears by it. Lots of stuff to do with smelling you cheese regularly, moving it to the right place, replacing it when it gets old, and the effect that these changes can have on your personal and professional life. Oh, and congratulations Nick and Sarah (and Thomas).

scully 1/8/2002, 12:3
Email Not Given
congrats to Nick & Sarah and welcome to Thomas. At last you can have parties with ice cream and jelly!

dave 1/8/2002, 11:16
Email Not Given
Had some very nice chesse by the wey.

dave 1/8/2002, 11:15
Email Not Given
Hello and congratulations to you Nick & Sarah. I've just come back from Paris and the Loire Valley - it was great. Tip: watch out for hotels who include maps on their web site which 'don't include 50% of the roads'.
Had some very nice cheese by the way.

Liz & Simon 31/7/2002, 23:31
Email Not Given
Nick & Sarah - May we be the first on Madhatters to congratulate you on your fab news. Welcome to the world baby Thomas. Hope all three of you are feeling well. Take it easy and enjoy yourselves - hope you manage to get some sleep. Life returns to some sort of normality after six weeks - honest! Congratulations - Liz, Si & Eloise XXXX

Nick 29/7/2002, 10:48
Email Not Given
Hello Carrie, thank you for thinking of us - just over a week now! I on the otherhand am trying to think of anything other than nappies, poo and childbirth.

The Ponderer 29/7/2002, 9:11
Email Not Given
You're one of those perverts that prey on little boys and girls aren't you? I bet you're not even a real doctor!

The Ponderer 29/7/2002, 9:10
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

Doctor Marazma 29/7/2002, 1:29
Email Not Given
See, and be helpless against my powers! The power of my mind can be as subtle as it is strong! Though I can lift and throw a car 100ft with merely the power of my thought, I can also redirect the flight of a a bird with the power of persuasion.......all to the accompiniment of a second hand theramin! See my Power! Feel my Power! Touch my Power!

Carrie 27/7/2002, 22:55
sea@green@hotmail.com
Hi Nick and Sarah, thinking of you both over the next couple of weeks. Best wishesx

The Ponderer 26/7/2002, 14:40
Email Not Given
I thought all the dole spongers lived in Liverpool - or Milton Keynes? Maybe Stoke as well - oh no, that's just mature floppy student teachers

Dinosaur 26/7/2002, 11:7
Email Not Given
Sounds good Si - thanks, I'd be grateful for any help indeed - I'm totally brassic at the moment...high flyer one minute, Dole dosser the next...shucks!

Simon H 25/7/2002, 19:13
Email Not Given
Steve - just an idea but how about targeting small to medium sized London/Thames Valley commercial law firms. Theory being that most are trying desperately to grow bigger but are having trouble because they tend to be a bit behind on the times when it comes to management and comms - most could benefit from some management advice/re-organisation but most can't afford the big consultancies. Could be a bit of a niche offering. Call me if you want to know more - have a few great websites that can help you with research for this. Plus I used to do marketing for one.

Ken's Colon 25/7/2002, 17:31
Email Not Given
Mealtimes only. Every morning and afternoon off. Oh and access to his..... hang on he's coming back from the lav.

Ken's Cooll 25/7/2002, 17:30
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

Slon 25/7/2002, 17:22
Email Not Given
Maybe not, what are the hour's like?

Ken's Colon 25/7/2002, 17:17
Email Not Given
I know of a nice opening

Slon 25/7/2002, 17:9
Email Not Given
If anyone knows of any cushy, high-paid job openings......

Simon H 25/7/2002, 16:48
Email Not Given
Well - helping each other out is what it's all about as we progress through existence together. Steve - if I come across anything suitable in my marketing meanderings I will tout you around.

Dinosaur 25/7/2002, 16:23
Email Not Given
Since we seem to be touting for work here - if anyone comes across an opportunity for STEPPS Cons. Ltd (see right) - I would be very grateful as well as being able to afford a beer or two in Edinburgh!

Too ashamed to say 25/7/2002, 17:10
Email Not Given
Simon H, as you clearly don't have any, I will be sending you some shame in the post.

Simon H 25/7/2002, 11:37
Email Not Given
Just trying to stir up the market.

Nelson 25/7/2002, 10:29
Email Not Given
har, har

dave 24/7/2002, 22:53
Email Not Given
... oh, and Simon's 'other' firm's prices are really expensive.

dave 24/7/2002, 22:51
Email Not Given
Thanks Si - can I just add if anyone knows of any web projects that need doing, can you pass the details on to me. Much as I would like to share potential work through you, in this current climate it would upset me greatly to miss the first chance of work from any Madhatters. Anyway, the tone of this site seems to ring with much employment talk and I for one don't like it. 'gis a job.

Simon H 24/7/2002, 19:45
Email Not Given
Oh - and does anyone know of anywhere I can store my now in desperate need of renovation 1985 Toyota MR2 on a long(ish) term basis until I can restore it ? It's a rare model and I'm loathed to get rid of it cos I fancy doing up a car in six - twelve months when I have the cash. Will travel anywhere in the country for a safe storage place. Is there a lost field in Milton Keynes somewhere ?? Thanks guys.......

Simon H 24/7/2002, 18:9
Email Not Given
Funny that - hardly ever post anything and still talked about. Ah joy - even references of battling up the Kyber Pass with my dear friend Brian Benson. Thanks Insulter !! Well - I'm back cos guess what guys - I actually have a job !! My five months writing has come to an end with my script nigh-on completed but to cover the fact I've run out of money and have to eat Dave and Caro's leftovers, I'm doing some part time marketing and PR consultancy for a website development agency. So if anyone can help me by letting me know of any web projects you hear of that need doing, pass them on to me and I can divvy them out between Dave and this other firm I'm working for. And if anyone needs any Marketing or PR help - let me know. Actually, if anyone just needs help let me know - I can give massage, counselling and oral sex tips

Nick 24/7/2002, 9:13
Email Not Given
err....... pass.

The Ponderer 24/7/2002, 8:58
Email Not Given
"My wif..." Now was that a Freudian slip or gordian knot?

scully 23/7/2002, 15:15
Email Not Given
Sarah is to be the mother of god? Blimey you guys have done well

Nick 23/7/2002, 8:46
Email Not Given
Sarah, yes as a spotty schoolboy in long shorts I often had wet pants. My wif seems to be well - two weeks on Friday. Holy mother of god.

Kath 23/7/2002, 17:3
kath_whibley@hotmail.com
Greetings from the other side of the world! Hi guys. Hope everyone is ok and looking forward to your trip to the Edin Festival. Sorry I can't be there. All going well so far in NZ. it's winter here so it's 14 degrees - not too cold hey, spent the weekend playing games on the beach. I've been here a month now thought it was time to look for a job after being a lady of leisure for so long. Trying to do my cv - seemed much better plan to check in to say hi. Keep in touch and have fun in Scotland!

The Insulter 22/7/2002, 22:52
Email Not Given
I guess that means the Brian is the Ponderer. Well he hasn't been sleeping with anyone else lately.......or HAS he Mr Hopes?

Brian 22/7/2002, 21:25
Email Not Given
I don't think I've looked at this website in over a year, which I guess, is a pretty damning indictment on my interest in this site. I'm very sorry I haven't been around to giggle, nay guffaw at some of the extraordinary humour that permeates this site. I must just add before I disappear, that I believe the Ponderer to be a most enlightened individual and funny as f*ck (which quite frankly is far more important) - yes I am sleeping with the Ponderer. See you all next year!

jo 22/7/2002, 18:37
Email Not Given
Sion, his email is stu@astronow-1.demon.co.uk i'm sure he'd love to hear from you. ian henries was also there - he's not changed at all!

Slon 22/7/2002, 17:44
Email Not Given
Ta

Sion 22/7/2002, 17:43
Email Not Given
Jo, If you bump into Stu again ask him to drop me a line as I've lost his email address

Sarah 22/7/2002, 17:17
Email Not Given
Nick, you must have had very wet pants. Speaking of wet pants how's your wife?

Jo 22/7/2002, 15:25
jo@queens-theatre.co.uk
hello. just a quick note. saw a fantastic production of Little Shop of Horrors on Saturday in Welwyn (at the Barn Theatre). The leads were phenomenal. anyone wanting a fun night out should check it out - tickets from Campus West and it runs till Saturday. No, I'm not on commission! PS Sion - Stuart Clark says hi - he was doing his guitar thang in the show so we met up for a few beers afterwards PPS Dave - my maths teacher was fabulous, but she had shocking hair and the worst breath in the world...

dave 22/7/2002, 12:12
dave.patrick@wellstudio.co.uk
I have one room which has just become available for the Edinburgh Festival trip - is their anyone out there in Madhatters land who can come? It will be between 10th-17th August and cost £90 for the week.

John 22/7/2002, 13:6
Email Not Given
I've just understood what Simon said, after the third reading. Mr Bronson did wear a wig - he appeared without it once, and explained that it was in the wash.

dave 22/7/2002, 10:15
Email Not Given
Thanks Simon - that was it. Mr Bronson was in Star Wars - any other Grange Hill stars in major motion pictures?

Unknown Person 22/7/2002, 10:14
Email Not Given
?????

Psi 22/7/2002, 10:2
Email Not Given
Ah, Michael Sheard, convention-whore. Milks his appearance as 'coming out of light-speed too early' Imperio-fool Admiral Ozzel to death, but there's still no action figure for him to sign, even Oola got one of those and she didn't even get a full line, just a lot of 'No's' and a short drop into the Rancor's lair.

Little Mickey Rin-Tin_tin Fresh Mintulip Fishle Min-cik-flapps 21/7/2002, 23:17
lmr_t_tfmfmin_cik_flapps@easyname.net
My credit card is six inches long.

Nick 19/7/2002, 18:15
Email Not Given
My maths teacher was called Mr Duff. Laugh? We used to piss ourselves four times a week for five years.

dave 19/7/2002, 17:27
Email Not Given
Did anyone else see Mr Bronson turn up in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade as Adolf Hitler, ir was it a dream? I'm sure he's been in some other films as well, just when you least expect it. I agree with SIon - that was definitely a rug.

Sarah 19/7/2002, 17:0
Email Not Given
Hoorah, I've managed to get on the only computer in our department where I can access internet etc. So good day to one and all. It's Friday!!!!!!

Slon 19/7/2002, 15:26
Email Not Given
Sorry to disappoint you Ken, but Mr Bronson was wearing a gingery toupee and not a very good one.

Ken 19/7/2002, 15:12
Email Not Given
Nothing wrong with being folically challen... oh sod it being bald...happens to the best of us eventually. Dave Wid, have you decided on what your teaching style is going to be? Perhaps the old ginger twat from Grange Hill ( Mr Bronson?) or maybe the easy going, laugh a minute "Dead Poets Society" teacher played by Robin Williams?

The Ponderer 19/7/2002, 12:40
Email Not Given
I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

scully 19/7/2002, 12:16
Email Not Given
john you forgot claire - another teacher with nice hair. My math's teacher was bald

dave 19/7/2002, 11:14
Email Not Given
So good I said it twice.

dave 19/7/2002, 11:14
Email Not Given
Curious benchmarks indeed Ken!?

dave 19/7/2002, 11:13
Email Not Given
Curious benchmarks indeed Ken!?

Ken 19/7/2002, 9:17
Email Not Given
Congrats Mr Wid on your teaching job, just an observation, some of the kids that you'll be teaching would not have been born when The Stone Roses (and Rap Tou) were all the rage and when Terminator 2 was released in the cinemas. Well doesn't that make me feel quite old.

Little Mickey Rin-Tin_tin Fresh Mintulip Fishle Min-cik-flapps 19/7/2002, 0:44
Email Not Given
You should see my signature

John 18/7/2002, 20:8
Email Not Given
Did you see what I did there? 'Pond Life.' It's sort of like a joke.

John 18/7/2002, 20:7
Email Not Given
I know of two Madhatter teachers with very nice hair: Caroline Green and Lesley White. And isn't Jayne a teacher now? She's got nice hair, too. So your theory is debunked, Pond Life.

Slon 18/7/2002, 15:7
Email Not Given
Apparently not, sigh.

The Ponderer 18/7/2002, 14:22
Email Not Given
Answering questions with questions - a cunning stunt!

Slon 18/7/2002, 14:12
Email Not Given
Can you not just drop it?

The Ponderer 18/7/2002, 13:32
Email Not Given
Is there a link between dullness and imbecility? Why do all teachers have to have bad hair? Would you trust the mathematical prowess of your 11-18 year old with Mr Wid? So many questions and so few answers......

Slon 18/7/2002, 9:19
Email Not Given
Failed maths completely by the way. Many times.

Slon 18/7/2002, 9:18
Email Not Given
I had a marvellous maths teacher myself. Jock West. Scottish. Must've been 80 if he was a day. Used to walk with two sticks, the highlight of each lesson would be when he'd hobble in to the room and fall flat on his face. Happy days. Tell us Mr Wid, Do you have any similar party tricks in mind for your little monsters?

Mr Wid 17/7/2002, 21:6
Email Not Given
Ignore the false Mr Wid, I am in fact going to teach maths to 11-18 yr olds. No smirking Mr Dee. I SAID NO SMIRKING!

Bob Monkhouse 17/7/2002, 16:31
Email Not Given
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doctor. The Doctor says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it." A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy" I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."

Les Dennis 17/7/2002, 16:27
Email Not Given
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says, "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ej*culation." "What?" says the woman? The man explains,"I've just come in my pants."

Slon 17/7/2002, 15:20
Email Not Given
I've tasted your cooking. Good luck.

Mr Wid 17/7/2002, 14:48
Email Not Given
Home Economics

scully 17/7/2002, 12:33
Email Not Given
bring back the cane I say

Ann Dee 17/7/2002, 9:55
Email Not Given
Not quite the mid-life crisis I would have expected from you Mr Wid, I thought you'd go down the Harley Davidson route really. Still congratulations in finding the meaning in your life and at least you know that you'll be doing you own little bit to make the world a better place. Or something. What age group will you be teaching?

Slon 17/7/2002, 9:29
Email Not Given
To teach what, Sir?

Mr Wid 17/7/2002, 0:3
Email Not Given
Boy! Yes you boy. Benson, yes you know I'm talking to you....tuck that shirt in now! We do not wear our shirts out in school, now DO we young Mr Benson.

Dave Wid 17/7/2002, 0:0
Email Not Given
Hi everyone. Just thought I'd mention that I'm the latest to fall foul of the early mid life crisis. I'm dumping my job in engineering and have been accepted on a graduate teacher training course. From now on you can call me Mr Wid.

dave 16/7/2002, 14:14
dave.patrick@wellstudio.co.uk
Shoe who? Good afternoon everyone. Not much interesting to say really. Hope everyone who's coming to Edinburgh is looking forward to it - roll on August. Ken - have you organised that footy match yet?

Shoe horn 16/7/2002, 9:8
Email Not Given
Brian, why didnt you use me as you promised on saturday? It would have saved on KYJelly

Le Burge 15/7/2002, 9:12
Email Not Given
A belated happy birthday on Saturday to Mr BK Benson!

John 15/7/2002, 16:8
Email Not Given
Ponderer, who are you calling infertile? The women who frequent this website seem to be unusually fecund at the moment.

Dave Wid 13/7/2002, 18:24
Email Not Given
There is nothing wrong with my bodyparts. In the most they are clean and soft and easy on the eye.

The Ponderer 12/7/2002, 17:40
Email Not Given
Is George Michael stuck in a groove perhaps?

George Michael 12/7/2002, 17:30
Email Not Given
Hi boys, I just wanted to say that I am still relevant so please buy my new record.

George Michael 12/7/2002, 17:30
Email Not Given
Hi boys, I just wanted to say that I am still relevant so please buy my new record.

Le Burge 12/7/2002, 9:18
Email Not Given
Ah, good - inane chat. I feel sick after reading the postings from Dave Wid's (and others) various body parts. Bleurch!

Dr Freud 12/7/2002, 17:19
Email Not Given
Let me check my info, patient so far displaying sexual insecurity, aggression and now anxiety over fertility, very interesting.

The Ponderer 12/7/2002, 17:6
Email Not Given
I'm here - watching - waiting - ready to pounce on you infertile dimbos

The Queen 12/7/2002, 16:56
Email Not Given
One had no idea that the Ponderer was a transexual

Curious 12/7/2002, 16:42
Email Not Given
Where is the Ponderer today? Has he/she run out of rantings - or is he/she out doing the school run in his volvo estate?

Dave Wid's Pubic Hair # 23534 12/7/2002, 16:26
Email Not Given
Believe or not I'm actually black & so are the brothers, didn't you know that?

Dave Wid's Belly Button Fluff 12/7/2002, 15:16
Email Not Given
It's lovely and warm down here, under all these folds of skin.

Dave Wid's Belly Button 12/7/2002, 14:34
Email Not Given
Pizza essence, pizza essence only 38p per 0.5g/l

Dave WIlds Northern Belly 12/7/2002, 10:33
Email Not Given
Mushn't rumble.....

scully's sphincter 12/7/2002, 10:5
Email Not Given
the secret to good health is good pluming

Literal being 12/7/2002, 9:11
Email Not Given
yip yip yip glub glub glub whimper glub bloink!

Ann Dee's Arse 11/7/2002, 23:38
Email Not Given
Tee Hee Tee Hee

Ken's Colon 11/7/2002, 23:37
Email Not Given
Irrigation, oh irrigation, irrigation that's what you need, if you wanna be the best etc i'm bored now. Hello all, just wanted to say that the master is going to give me a colonic irrigation this weekend.

Sir William Forsbrooke-Rice 11/7/2002, 20:13
Email Not Given
Whilst on safari, I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How it got there, I'll never know...

Le Burge 11/7/2002, 9:41
Email Not Given
Ken - What did he do before?

Le Burge 11/7/2002, 9:39
Email Not Given
I'd love to cat, just not sure what it involves....

Ken 11/7/2002, 17:40
Email Not Given
Roughts, Ray Lewington new boss of WFC.

Hayley 11/7/2002, 17:13
Email Not Given
Hello does any1 want to cat?

Hayley 11/7/2002, 17:12
Email Not Given
Hello

Shoe horn 11/7/2002, 16:57
Email Not Given
Why don't you use me?

Henry the Hamster 11/7/2002, 16:34
Email Not Given
damn, I'm stuck up his arse again, a little help here.

Marc Almond 11/7/2002, 16:2
Email Not Given
...warm

Marc Almond 11/7/2002, 15:32
Email Not Given
Couple of pints?

Slon 11/7/2002, 14:14
Email Not Given
How much do you want?

Simon H 11/7/2002, 14:3
Email Not Given
I don't get out much - but if I get a job I will. Or if I get free internet access which could happen soon. I love this site - lets talk about sperm donering.

Unknown Person 11/7/2002, 14:3
Email Not Given
Sperm for sale. Partly used. Contents part foreign. Some irregularities. Just under 250,000 per cubic millilitre. Apply within for details.

Nick W 11/7/2002, 13:32
Email Not Given
Performance in Snorbans, it would appear. See Pete's post on 7/7/02.

Dinosaur 11/7/2002, 13:21
Email Not Given
Ref: the news about a new drama society (eyes right) - where is it based? Does anyone know?

Dr. Freud 11/7/2002, 12:43
Email Not Given
My dear Ponderer, I love the way in which you have leapt to defend your sexuality. The need to communicate to us all that you do have a 'significant other' (whether they be male or female, real or imaginary) suggests you have some very deep seated insecurities. Sadly, you have not given me quite enough to establish whether these are issues of sexual confidence or sexual orientation. Please continue to post your adorable messages so I that I may continue to piece together your psychological profile. Perhaps one day, with sufficient postings from you, I might be able to offer you some advice to help with your various neurosis.

Muff Diver 11/7/2002, 10:44
Email Not Given
Did I hear my name? Im back, diving for muff, and muffing my dives. Muff Diver's the name, for all your diving for muff needs! Call me now: and keep the f@cking chat clean you cnuts!

The Ponderer 11/7/2002, 10:23
Email Not Given
Abusive Trivet - "Up Yours" - that is very unoriginal, perhaps that is what is so ironic about it? And the use of the word "trivet" suggests that you live in Milton Keynes. And Schlong what makes you think I'm not living with partner/married/with kids (delete as appropriate)? I showed my comments to my significant other and they agreed that it was the funniest thing since Mr Ploppy married Betty.

Ann Dee 11/7/2002, 9:45
Email Not Given
Internet Explorer Burge, nice moniker Si. A belated birthday greeting to Squave and Brooooce.

lE Burge 10/7/2002, 16:26
Email Not Given
Happy Birthday, Dave and Bruce...although it's now not your birthday where you are, just here and you're not here of course.

Dave Wid 11/7/2002, 0:17
Email Not Given
Whoops....Just wanted to say that it was nice seeing Dave, Caro, Si and Brian tonight. Happy 70th Dave, enjoy it while you can!

Dave W 11/7/2002, 0:15
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

Dinosaur 10/7/2002, 12:35
dino@saurus.co.uk
Happy B'day Mr P and the one in the dress. Don't you wish you looked as young as me, eh?

Slon 10/7/2002, 10:4
Email Not Given
Happy Birthday folks. Well my responses to the ponderer certainly stirred things up. I'm very grateful for all the support from across MH, Thanks to you all. To the small contingent who thought I was wrong to take it personally, wait until you get married and someone you don't know insults your wife. See how you feel. Ah well, moving on.

Ken 10/7/2002, 9:44
Email Not Given
Happy birthday Davey Pee & Bruce.

Dave Wid 9/7/2002, 23:12
davewild@clara.co.uk
Wow, what 24hrs can do. Suddenly the aggressive edge has left the postings and all is slowly getting back to normal. A couple of things whilst I'm here....Firstly Happy Birthday Davey P, be speaking to you tomorrow. I will try and find somewhere close to Alton Towers for us to meet and eat.......Secondly, football sounds a mighty fine idea, perhaps we could use the beautiful game to resolve some of the recent differences.....Thirdly, I think we need to get Andy a more down to earth job, maybe a dustman in Dudley or even on the counter of a Fish'n'Chip Shop in Cleethorpes. I think its urgent as he seems to be slowly turning into Noel Coward. He needs to get up north and leave all this fancy talk behind......Finally, I'd like to thank Davey P for the photo posting, it really is very nice. I especially like the blonde bird in the middle.

Dinosaur 9/7/2002, 17:44
dino@saurus.co.uk
Dave: I was trawling back through last month's installments to try and quickly catch up on this most excellent of nay-sayers and soothsayers argument, and I did happen to notice that you'd mis-spelt "annals" - or was that deliberate to suggest some kind of bottom entry insult?

Le Burge 9/7/2002, 9:15
Email Not Given
By the way, all that may be interested, myself and Sarah shall be back in England from next week and staying with Mssrs Patrick and Payne on Thursday 25th July. Please join us for some beers and non-virtual chat.

Le Burge 9/7/2002, 9:14
Email Not Given
RE: Mr Unknown Person and his "The Ego has Landed" post. Whilst it was a clever play on words it wasn't overly original as that Mr Robbie Williams used is as the title to his US album release. Oh the joys of shoping, I mean trivia, or something. Um.

Ann Dee 9/7/2002, 17:48
Email Not Given
Ah, the irony of leaving a message saying you don't feel worthy of leaving a message, good work The Ironic Trivet. On the off chance that you weren't going for comedy let me clarify; I'm happy to leave messages on any subject where I feel can contribute something - be it relevant, irreverant, interesting or nay - to all or none of the people who populate this site. Oh, and I'm not going to take any moral high ground on the being called gay as abuse argument - you big queen.

The Abusive Trivet 9/7/2002, 17:10
Email Not Given
Up yours - The Ponderer aside from being a twat of the highest order, I bet you've been been itching to roger Ann Dee whilst no one was looking. As we're on the subject of pansies - Ann Dee oh magnificent one I don't feel worthy to post anything on the website because your highness will only use the site when he feels the subject is worthy of his holiness attention.

The Ponderer 9/7/2002, 16:46
Email Not Given
Damn & blast! Replace the second "why" with "while" and it might make more sense. P.S. dave - how do you manage to sleep standing up? Are you actually a horse?

The Ponderer 9/7/2002, 16:4
Email Not Given
Well - why don't the clever people insult each other why the rest talk about knitting patterns? Seems a good compromise - what do you think Ann Dee?

dave 9/7/2002, 16:11
Email Not Given
Sorry Andy - I get confused between 'inflamatory' and 'friendly' somethimes. Anyone, remember these guys?

dave 9/7/2002, 16:3
Email Not Given
Oh yeah, shut your face Andy you big fecking cnut.

dave 9/7/2002, 16:2
Email Not Given
Look, I just want to get along. Hey everybody - a diversion.

Ann Dee 9/7/2002, 15:59
Email Not Given
What a very clever play on words, "Unknown Person" and thank you for entering the correspondence. Perhaps this could be used to exemplify why it is that occasional contributors such as myself are just that, occasional. By stating my view that inflammatory opinions can help to liven things up and draw in others every now and again i am held up as (or even ridiculed as) self serving and self important, a curious conclusion to reach!

Unknown Person 9/7/2002, 15:38
Email Not Given
The ego has landed.

Ann Dee 9/7/2002, 14:41
Email Not Given
But surely Dave, by allowing sleeping dogs, etc. you are suggesting that we bring an end to what have been some fine exchanges of late. Moreover it is just the sort of thing that may persuade more contributions from those who do not normally correspond, a wish that appears to be shared by all. There is nothing wrong with debate, wake those pesky sleeping dogs and let the spirit of free speech reign and rage on!

Nick W 9/7/2002, 14:35
Email Not Given
Dave - is there a big contingent going to Edinburgh? Can I come next year.

dave 9/7/2002, 13:22
Email Not Given
Hmmm, thanks for your reply Mr Ponderer. I have to say that pleasantries and banality aside this site is there for all* to post to no matter what, without fear of being insulted or ridiculed. I have worked hard to keep this site open to everyone. One of the biggest things I'm aware of is the amount of Madhatters who don't post to the site because of exactly what's happened. I'm much more up for a bit of diversity on the site rather that a few very clever people insulting each other in clever ways - as amusing as it is sometimes.
I think we've probably exhausted this one now and should let sleeping dogs, etc...
*I'm sorry if you feel my attitude to Mr Diver was a little contradictory, but some people really do take the biscuit.

scully 9/7/2002, 12:32
Email Not Given
jumper and goalposts sounds cool. I am crap at football, but good at getting in people's way. Bagsy I'm in defense

Ken 9/7/2002, 12:34
Email Not Given
We did recieve your cards and thank you very much.

Ken 9/7/2002, 12:31
Email Not Given
Jumpers for Goalposts anyone? It's been ages since we last had a footie match, Davey Pee & anyone else who is interested, do you fancy having a knock around in a couple of weeks time in Snorbs?

Nick W 9/7/2002, 12:32
Email Not Given
And ours......

scully 9/7/2002, 12:21
Email Not Given
blimey. I wander in and out of this site, generally just reading and only posting occasionally and it has become a little saddening. I agree there are many more things important in life, but on the whole life can be hassle/stressful enough and so it is sad to see it here too. It however, pleasing to see that normal conversation continues around it. Ken / Sarah did you receive our card?

Nick W 9/7/2002, 12:22
Email Not Given
I go to Scotland for 4 days and all hell breaks loose. You kids just can't be left alone. Next time I will get a websitter to look after you whilst I am away. As someone who often offends people, normally un-intentionally, I can reccommend a good apology. It seems to lighten the air (see archive postings!). Anyway, in response to the numerous enquiries the current Mrs Wiggins is doing fine, with just five weeks to go. I tried to encourage labour at the weekend, so that it could either play rugby at Murrayfield of win a medal at curling but alas, no success. Finally Dave Wid - can I just check whether you coming out and the break up are related in anyway?

The Ponderer 9/7/2002, 10:38
Email Not Given
Much as I hate to agree with The Insulter, it has amused me no end to see people getting their knickers in a right old twizzle over what were, after all, a few sartorical comments about the lack of depth in the chat on this site these days - If you really WANT to get offended by anonymous remote comments by someone who doesn't even know you very well (if at all!), then all I can say is - "If the cap fits..". Really, there ARE more important things going on in this world, try expending some of this anger in that direction. The sad thing is dave (not wid) that no-one really bothers to post anything interesting to the site anymore because all the existing chat is just a bit too bland - if you want an interesting chat site then you have to accept a few miscreants (i.e. people we love to hate), and not just pick on Brian all the time. For that reason alone, I will remain anonymous ( I was going to reveal myself but the PC lynch mob are out). And if you want to attract newer ex-UHDS members (which I presume you do) then you have to keep the site lively and interesting. I don't know who "stevens" is, but your massaging of his sore eyes, to have to read such "pathetic and bitchy" comments, is in complete contradiction with the tirade Steve Diver received when he complained about the chat on this site being offensive last year - everyone, including you, shot him down in flames. Anyway - rant over - Insulter - you are a wus! And bring back Alfred and his irreverant way of talking back to his master.

Dave Wid 8/7/2002, 23:31
Email Not Given
I've just read that back. Firstly, I would just like to apologise for sounding a bit soft. I blame it on being in a heightened emotional state due to my recent break up and the world cup. Secondly, I would like to point out that f**ck obviously doesn't have two **s. Please feel free to replace 'f**cked' with either 'f**ked' or 'f*cked'. Gee, I feel a right tw**t now....

Dave Wid 8/7/2002, 23:26
Email Not Given
I'd just like to say that as The Insulter (thats right, I'm coming out...) I really surprised at all this about the Ponderer. I used to really say some quite upsetting and offensive things (as The Insulter) and I never caused this much of a stir. He must be one bad-ass. It saddens me that it all seems to have got so f**cked up and people have got offended. We used to just have fun here, at nobody's expense but Brian. So, Madhatters, here's to all of you. Unlike Slon (I'm sure he used to be called Sion, though it is 10 years now and my minds not what it used to be....) I couldn't make a list of 'Hatters who are great people, I think you're all great. So, this is The Insulter signing off. Unless, of course, that nobby twat-face the Ponderer comes back for another ripe ass kicking. See you all real soon in Edinburgh. Love, Dave Wid.

Sarah 8/7/2002, 18:56
Email Not Given
Ta

Le Burge 8/7/2002, 9:14
Email Not Given
Bloody-hell, was that really a year ago? I guess Ken and Sarah should know - all the best to the both of you, you lovely people!

Ken 8/7/2002, 17:7
Email Not Given
Many thanks Josie, doesn't time fly when you're having fun!

Josie 8/7/2002, 13:14
Email Not Given
Happy Wedding Anniversary Mr & Mrs Rodrigues.

scully 8/7/2002, 12:29
Email Not Given
Claire and I cycled round Rutland water on Saturday. We then walked around the house like John Wayne yesterday. Sarah W, can't be long now?

Josie 8/7/2002, 12:25
Email Not Given
So, how is everyone today? Did anyone do anything fun this weekend?

Slon 8/7/2002, 12:15
Email Not Given
Thanks

Ken 8/7/2002, 9:49
Email Not Given
or maybe Happy Birthday TPC!

Ken 8/7/2002, 9:49
Email Not Given
Happry birthday TPC

Pete 7/7/2002, 11:7
Email Not Given
We have booked a small theatre in St Albans and the plan is to do four performances on the 20th, 21st, 22nd and 23rd November. As for rehearsal commitment, you will have to check that with Na, who will be directing.

Psi 7/7/2002, 10:50
Email Not Given
Pete/Kev (Naomi) - re: your article in breaking news can I ask a couple of ancillaries. Where are you planning to perform, for how many nights and what sort of rehearsal commitment are you likely to ask for?

The swearer 6/7/2002, 14:31
Email Not Given
Quim.

stevens 5/7/2002, 23:45
djs@ieee.org
Chaps and chapesses. I paid a visit, i read, i was saddened, and i left. this is just too pathetic and bitchy for me. I wont be visiting again. Those who i used to consider to be friends are more than welcome to email me and keep in touch. What a sorry state of affairs. Dxxx

Sarah 5/7/2002, 19:40
sarahk_rodrigues@yahoo.co.uk
May be if we ignore the ponderer, he'll go away. (I've just caught up)

Ken 5/7/2002, 15:10
Email Not Given
Hello Dave, no more baby news on this front, but Sarah & I are off to Gloucester this weekend. When do you want to do the footie match? ...with you all the way Sion.

Badger 5/7/2002, 15:3
Email Not Given
Sion, I think you're lovely too.

Slon 5/7/2002, 14:46
Email Not Given
Let me make my case since there seems to be some problem, and let me know if I'm wrong, but should I sit by and let my wife and friends be quite seriously insulted by some anonymous stranger? Me I don't care about. People can say what they want about me, it's probably true, but people like Josie, Ken & Sarah, the Smiths and their Baby, the Wigginses, Psi, Badger are some of the nicest people I know. and when snide malicious barbs are directed at them for no apparent reason other than we may not have sparkled enough for someones taste I get pissed off. Anyone agree with me?

dave 5/7/2002, 14:28
Email Not Given
Oh pish and tish. More baby news please.

Badger 5/7/2002, 14:28
Email Not Given
Not mad at all. Quite agree really. Just don't see the problem.

Dinosaur 5/7/2002, 13:47
Dino@age-before-beauty.com
My what a change a couple of days makes! Just like the old days what! Almost worth coming back to the site more often again. Why is everyone getting so worked up? The invective, repartee and general heightening of interest is worth a little confrontation. I have to say that I agree with Le Burge, Dave W, and Ponderer that the chat was becoming a little predictable. Slon & Badger: Don't get mad - get even...!

Badger 5/7/2002, 11:59
Email Not Given
Dave, I'm interested to know who you think the Ponderer is? I'm struggling to think of who might have sufficient psychological issues that they need to vent in such a targeted manner on Madhatters. No one needs to bother telling me that I'm a dullard as I know this full well. I even drive a Volvo estate if anyone needs proof. Dullard? - print me the T-shirt and mail my subscription.

Gatecrasher 5/7/2002, 11:32
gmfreelance@mac.com
After delivering Dreaming Fish Productions to the airport at some ungodly hour, I shall then be proceeding on to cat-sit for my parents whilst simultaneously house-sitting for my next-door neighbour and shall invariably conclude the weekend rocking backwards and forwards in the dark, inanely muttering to myself about loneliness and not being able to live in America whilst dribbling into a strangley flavoured pot noodle (claiming to have something to do with chicken & mushroom). How about everyone else? - PS. Dave, did you get a chance to look at the possible new wwwboard I have hiding on the UAC site?

The Ponderer 5/7/2002, 11:26
Lighten.up.folks@humourcentral.com
That wasn't an insult - Both Dave & Benson are both very attractive men - not to me, but to someone else certainly. I am merely starting a mass debate.

dave 5/7/2002, 10:57
dave.patrick@wellstudio.co.uk
I think we can take intelligent guesses as to who the Ponderer is. I'm sure they will get the recognition they crave. I'm a little uneasy with the eclectic mix of inane chatter and vicious insults at the moment. It's like a road safety advert demonstrated with a clingfilm wrapped parcel of mashed banana and jam - and a cricket bat with a breeze block nailed to it. Anyone doing anything nice this weekend by the way?

The Ponderer 5/7/2002, 10:27
Email Not Given
If Benson wasn't a Ginger, would he be as attractive as Dave Wid?

Slon 5/7/2002, 10:28
Email Not Given
Well if it makes you take your own life it can't be all bad. Just don't dawdle, eh?

The Ponderer 5/7/2002, 9:10
Email Not Given
"The Dullards" : A story told in 12 tedious episodes guaranteed to inspire you to take your own life. Mrs Dull: Have you seen my pussy? (canned laughter) Mr Dull: I thought I saw it while I was working my way through your privet bush. (canned laughter) Mrs Dull: My my, haven't our babies grown? Mr Dull: Yes. Horrid weather isn't it. Mrs Dull: Cumulo nimbus apparently. Mr Dull: Would like to see some towering cumulus of course this late on in the Wimbledon fortnight. Mrs Dull: Although it is always nice to see cirrostratus, quite relaxing. (off stage) The Insulter: Will you two speed up and talk dirtier, its difficult to maintain my "excitement" at this pace! Mr Dull: Why is it we never speak to each other any more? Mrs Dull: Because we anguish at the deliberation of maintaining interfacial communication inter-alia, and con pudicus. Mr Dull: Which means exactly? Mrs Dull: I'd rather talk to my hamster. "The End" Tune in next week, while I paint my living room magnolia and describe the drying process.

Dave Wid 5/7/2002, 9:46
Email Not Given
Well done to the ponderer on livening up the site, the fact that he/she is a complete tosser is there for all to see. There is nothing like a person making a complete twat of themselves to unite the readership. Oh and Brian you're still a fag.

The Insulter 5/7/2002, 0:24
Email Not Given
That is of course when he isn't wanking cats into small phials that he keeps on his mantlepiece. What a sick f**k.

The Insulter 5/7/2002, 0:22
Email Not Given
I hear that the Ponderer drinks his own piss.

Stevens 4/7/2002, 19:38
Email Not Given
Is it always this bitchy on here? Its like being at rehersals! :-(

the joker 4/7/2002, 18:30
Email Not Given
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hasslinghim about where he got it. He told them to p*ss off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in. "OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forestfull of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Good," said the first bat, "because I f*cking didn't!"

Slon 4/7/2002, 17:40
Email Not Given
I have nothing against humour Si, just faceless people insulting my wife and friends. Sorry if I offended anyone I didn't mean to.

Le Burge 4/7/2002, 7:49
Email Not Given
I for one welcome the return of anyone with amusing comments to make, and I thought the Ponderer's car-based humour was relatively funny.

Slon 4/7/2002, 17:35
Email Not Given
I think we've all had enough of your snide superior comments you gutless yellow piece of crap

The Ponderer 4/7/2002, 16:59
Email Not Given
I wonder if Dullards actually realise that they are dull? Probably not.

Josie 4/7/2002, 16:41
Email Not Given
Henman - won 1st, 3rd and 4th set - can't remember the score. Went to pieces in the 2nd set though, and looked dodgy in the 4th (should that be 'sounded dodgy' as I was listening to it on the radio?).

Comic 4/7/2002, 16:23
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SOME TERRIBLE PUNS! * A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. * What's the definition of a will? (it's a dead giveaway). * Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. * A backwards poet writes inverse. * She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. * A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. * With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. * Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. * When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. * The man who fell into an upholstery factory is now fully re-covered. * A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. * You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. * He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. * Every calendar's days are numbered. * A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. * A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. * He had a photographic memory that was never developed. * A plateau is a high form of flatter. * The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. * Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. * Once you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall. * Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. * When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye. * Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. * Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. * Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Slon 4/7/2002, 15:42
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Quarter-final Henman actually made it to the Semi's?! What score?

Josie 4/7/2002, 15:8
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So, Timmy's through to the semi finals. And what an exciting game it was.

Psi 4/7/2002, 13:3
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Excuse me Mr Ponderer, exactly who do you include in your 'rest of us'? I see little support for your pettiness from the other 'Hatters.

Ken 4/7/2002, 9:44
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Morning all, well, well well, if it isn't dear Mr Ponderer still hiding behind the mask of anonymity. Good to hear from you Mr Stevens hope all is well. Nick W, is it now about a month until Wiggins Jr emerges? How scary and exciting is that!

Unknown Person 4/7/2002, 9:47
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not doing yourself any favours are you?

The Ponderer 4/7/2002, 9:0
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Hmmm - I wonder whether I should put up signs saying - "avoid NN7 - too many people carriers and Volvo estate drivers"? Oh, and I don't expect the residents of the "knitting circle" to understand what the problem with those cars is - so the rest of us can have a little titter at their expense.

The Insulter 4/7/2002, 0:51
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Hello you big buckets of man juice, I'm back to spice things up a bit.

Stevens 3/7/2002, 22:58
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I really Should visit more often! Hi Nick, yeah, Tis I. Congrats to all those that have done nice things (like made babies and swapped ring pieces) since we last spoke. Love to All D

Le Burge 3/7/2002, 8:5
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....and "HI!" to Kath in NewZealand. It was excellent having you stay for a few days on your way to Auckland.

LE Burge 3/7/2002, 8:4
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So, Wimbledon, eh? Been trying to watch a bit out here in California. A bit weird as I watch some over breakfast, only to find the match finished three hours ago when I check online at the office. Ah, the joys of time zones and schedules that are timed for New York. Er, hello everyone on Milton Keynes. Or at least the ever expanding 'Hatters families there.

Josie 3/7/2002, 17:2
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Hello! The lovely Mr Wyatt suggested I put up out postcode so anyone who wants to know where we live to come to Sion's birthday (or to avoid us Ponderer) can find out where we are. It's NN7 2LD.

Slon 3/7/2002, 16:12
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actually the pond' may have a point as I am only days away from turning 35. 35...oh god. That's half my threescore and ten for pete's sake. My knees aren't what they used to be either. and kids today.....

Badger 3/7/2002, 14:50
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I have always been a middle aged dullard and shall continue to be so. Sion, I love the idea of a fellow madhatter making an appearance on Life of Grime. That would be quite an achievement for any of us. Dave, perhaps you should start a Madhatters poll so the nation can vote on whether Sion should be subjected to another cat. Nick W, it took me several years to learn how to breathe and I can highly recommend the various evening classes you can attend. Ken, 'hello petal' - it's basically the same as before but @telewest.co.uk now. Josie, 'Meow....'. To everyone else, and in an attempt not to appear part of any 'clique', - 'Hello'.

Nick W 3/7/2002, 13:52
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Liz - Apologies for the delay in coming back to you. I seem to be out three nights a week doing breathing exercises, leaning how to breastfeed and other crucial stuff for a man in his 20's. Glad to see that there are occasional intervals of sleep. We are hoping for a cat / baby hybrid that sleeps all day, uses a litter tray and yet gives me an excuse to watch the Tweenies. Oh, and Ponderer - piss off.

Slon 3/7/2002, 12:54
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A nice bit of controversy to stir things up, lovely

Slon 3/7/2002, 12:53
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Yes, indeed. At least we're using the site to chat. Which is surely the point. If you don't like us that is up to you. I don't claim to love all of the Madhatters but at least I keep my nastiness to myself. If you wish to exclude middle-aged dullards from an aging group of Madhatters do you not create the cliqueyness you are accusing us of? So there, Nyah, nyah, nyah.

Ken 3/7/2002, 12:11
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The Ponderer, that's not a very nice thing to say, especially from behind the convenience of your mask.

The Ponderer 3/7/2002, 11:52
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I wonder if the contributors to this chat realise how parochial and cliquey they sound - maybe they don't care - maybe they're just middle-aged dullards?

Josie 3/7/2002, 9:30
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Sion doesn't like Eloise much either. He likes her as much as he likes our cats.

Slon 2/7/2002, 17:31
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Not a popular choice, eh? How about Sandra Bullock?

Ken 2/7/2002, 17:20
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Hello Badger. What's your e-mail address?

Ken 2/7/2002, 17:19
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Josie, you could always apply dreadful make-up to the cat, and call it Sophie Ellis Bextor?

Josie 2/7/2002, 17:5
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Thank you.

Slon 2/7/2002, 17:12
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Look, stop it the pair of you. Our house is looking like something off of Life of Grime, the amount of cats we have now. We do not need ANY more cats! I don't like them anyway. Harumph.