Kev 22/12/2001, 14:38
Email Not Given
http://www.youngprimitive.cz/pong.html

Lesley 21/12/2001, 7:43
Email Not Given
Just seen Lord of the Rings - absolutely fantastic, definitely on the favourite films list ! just had to share that with you all. Happy Christmas all, and enjoy the birthday celebrations, Si, sorry i can't be there.

Psi 21/12/2001, 16:28
Email Not Given
In case my email missed everyone there's a small correction to make to the directions I gave you to my Parent's House. It is in fact J30 of the M25 you want, not J29. Call myself a Transport Planner, I don't know. Merry Christmas.

dave 21/12/2001, 16:20
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
Well, it's in and official, the final votes have been counted and there's a winner. By a narrow margin, 'Alfred The Dancing Monkey' can stay on the site but only until Andy Roughton comes up with something funnier. That seems fair, as Andy instigated the poll in the first place. Sorry for the witch hunt Alfred, but hey you've got to admit, that's entertainment...

Shiver shiver 21/12/2001, 15:4
lost@somewhereinsurrey.com
It's not only the little children that we should remember at this time of year, but also the others who are needy in the community, especially the poor and homeless surfers of Surrey. Buying only one copy of Made in Britain will provide shelter and food for one of these poor individuals well into the new year. Two copies may provide a flight to the warmth of the Canaries, and three copies will send him on a round the world trip for two. Give generously...it's a good cause...honest....

Simon H 21/12/2001, 14:43
Email Not Given
Burn baby burn

dave 21/12/2001, 14:43
Email Not Given
Hello

Josie 21/12/2001, 14:28
Email Not Given
Don't forget the lovely soon to be a daddy Mr Simon Smith also has a birthday coming up. Happy Christmas everyone, see you at Si's on Saturday.

Simon H 21/12/2001, 13:40
Email Not Given
I love my brother.... well, pretty much... like a brother I guess.

Badger 21/12/2001, 13:13
Email Not Given
I'd just like to wish Madhatters everywhere a very Happy Christmas. Oh, and a belated Happy Birthday to that lovely man on the telly, Ken Rodrigues. On the subject of birthdays, here's not forgetting Si Bennett and Chris Hanham who also have birthdays over the holiday season. Well, that’s all for this year folks. I remember, as a child, thinking that 2001 would be a monumental year for me. It was going to be the epitome of the future, science fiction come to life. The imagery in the film 2001 led the younger me to believe that 2001 would mark the pinnacle of human achievement and that I would be a part of that brave new world. On the whole though, 2001 has been a right load of old arse. Christ, I’m really depressed now.

Ann Dee 21/12/2001, 12:55
Email Not Given
I suppose they are like grown ups, but smaller. That dhould get the debate started.

Ann Dee 21/12/2001, 12:54
Email Not Given
I much better today, but am still off at lunchtime so a very merry new year and happy christmas tidings to one and all, hope to see a fair few of you at the Portland. Have a good'un. And thanks you Mr Hopes for reminding us to always remember the children. They are, after all, for life, not just for Christmas. Very much like a skateboard. Although that is the only similarity I can think of between children and skateboards. Can anyone else think of things that children are like?

Simon H 21/12/2001, 12:21
Email Not Given
Thanks Dave. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone. Particularly the little children

dave 21/12/2001, 12:5
Email Not Given
Oh, er that's in St Albans by the way.

dave 21/12/2001, 12:4
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
Thank you Simon and may I say particularly good use of the HTML

tag to effect some 'spacing'. Oh, er Happy Christmas. Don't forget folks you're all invited to our Christmas Party at The Portland Arms this Sunday. live music, mulled pies, minced wine karaoke. At the Portland Arms starting about 3pm (ish). Here's a map.

Simon H 21/12/2001, 11:56
Email Not Given
God bless the little children this Christmas-time. You know, I like to think of Christmas as, well, a happy peaceful time. A time when one neighbour can turn to another neighbour (and don't forget guys, when we say neighbour we don't just mean the chap next door or Ada from number 53 - we mean every single man, woman and little child on this planet) and we turn to them and say "Thanks. Thanks for helping me through the year. Through the good times and bad. I want you to know how much you mean to me". I think if we can all do that then, for one day in the year, there will be peace on earth and good will to all men and women and, of course, the little children. But that's not all. If we could do that every day then perhaps every day will become a form of Christmas and we might understand each other better and learn to live with and love one another. And the children, the little children. If we could all just stop and turn to our children and love them (and don't forget that when I say love our children, I mean a spiritual, consideration and understanding love and nothing else) and help them and nuture them. Because after all...

"I believe the children are our future,

Treat them well and let them lead the way,

Show them all the beauty that they have inside

Give them a sense of..."

Well, I think you catch my drift. Anyway I just want to finish by saying Merry Christmas everyone. Unless of course you don't celebrate Christmas and instead celebrate one of those other important holidays. God bless us all. Particularly the little children

Simon

Milsy 21/12/2001, 11:38
phil@dreamingfish.co.uk
Long time lurker - first time poster... Just wanted to wish you all a Merry Chritstmas - hoorah. Ken - Happy Birthday for yesterday mate. Oh and while I'm here just wanted to say a big public thanks to Gary, Si, Dave, Steve and everyone else who helped and supported us through our year of filming. Thanks guys!!! Made in Britain is available from our website and surfshops across the country (including Trekkit in MK for the MK posse!) Plug plug plug. Have a good one y'all and hope to see you on Saturday at Si's.

Sion 20/12/2001, 17:37
Email Not Given
He gave me a copy for xmas. Speaking of which that's me gone now till 2002. Happy christmas to everyone.XXX

dave 20/12/2001, 17:20
Email Not Given
I want to see 'Ken - Jaws'. Where can I get a copy please?

sion 20/12/2001, 15:39
Email Not Given
Ah the true story on those would raise some eyebrows. Or not Actually not

Unknown Person 20/12/2001, 15:13
Email Not Given
Double or Nothing?

Unknown Person 20/12/2001, 15:7
Email Not Given
Loch Ness?

Sion 20/12/2001, 15:16
Email Not Given
One of those is a lie

Sion 20/12/2001, 15:12
Email Not Given
Ken - Jaws, Casablanca, The Shawshank Redemption, and oh I don't know...Weekend at Bernie's

Mr 'Page is too long' 20/12/2001, 14:53
page@toolong.com
Isn't the page getting a little long?

Ken 20/12/2001, 13:31
Email Not Given
So Liz, will you be singing on Saturday for Si B? It is his birthday! Sion what were the other 4 films in your top 5? Roughts - the league is far more important...lets hope we do the business on Saturday.

Psi 20/12/2001, 13:22
Email Not Given
I'm off to the first of my two work dos now so I just dropped in to say HP Birthday to our esteemed colleague Mr Rodrigues. I'll be seeing 'Fellowship' on Monday, like Dave, with my Dad (since he took me to see the last one (in '78) I thought it was only fair)

Ann Dee 20/12/2001, 13:2
Email Not Given
Right, that's me done for the day, I'm going home to bed.

dave 20/12/2001, 12:43
Email Not Given
That's the end of my Footballing chat. 'They're, Their, There'. Glad things have worked out at work Josie - Remember, more commitment equals higher pay equals less time and effort, more managering and less responsibilities. Possibly. The corporate world is just witchcraft - ask Harry Potter. What.

dave 20/12/2001, 12:41
Email Not Given
Avon? Singing? Marketing Club 7?
Oh, er Andy don't worry about cup competitions - there just for teams who aren't concentrating on the league (4-0 though - and by The Owls as well). Still good to see Exeter crashing to a 3-0 defeat at Dagenham. Vauxhall Conference here we come...
Football, lager, birds, lager, football. Happy Christmas.

Josie 20/12/2001, 11:16
Email Not Given
Well done Lizzy - you clever girl

Liz 20/12/2001, 11:15
Email Not Given
We have our work do tonight. But I don't think anything could beat this mornings fun of dressing up as Marketing Club 7 singing their classic 'Have you ever lost your Avon Lady'. But at least the humiliation was worth it cos we won! And best of all our prize for winning is to sing it again in front of the whole company - oh joy! Merry Christmas Everybody!

Ann Dee 20/12/2001, 10:42
Email Not Given
Happy birthday indeed Ken Knee Boy. Try not to dwell on last nights defeat, it was only the Worthington Cup anyway and at least now we can concentrate on the league, or somthing. Had my work do last night, only had 2.5 hours sleep, got the afternoon off, might spend the morning here so all contributors welcome.

Josie 20/12/2001, 10:21
Email Not Given
Happy birthday lovely Ken. LOTR is actually rather good, even if you've only made it 1/2 way through reading the first book. I like my company today. They've given me the job I wanted, and a pay rise, and we all had stockings full of presents and bottles of wine on our desks when we got in this morning. And everyone's wearing lots of glittery things for our christmas lunch. And I'm happy. I'll go now.

Sion 20/12/2001, 10:30
Email Not Given
Ah yes the Dark Lord Lineker and his search for the One Bag of Crisps - Ash Nazg Smohki B'Kon, Ash Nazg Cheezzen Unnyen.

dave 20/12/2001, 9:57
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
Happy Birthday young Ken. So, another year older indeed, I remember you when you were but a glint in Amanda Fountain's eyes. Happy days. Anyway, Sion - I've got tickets for Jackson's epic for next Thursday - had to go and see it with my Dad you see. He gave me his original three volume set (which of course I leant out and lost - needed to copy the runes for some shite heavy metal band I was in or something).
I must say that calling it LOTR makes if sound a bit like MOTD (Match of the Day), anyway we should stop this before we turn a bit Nerdy. Damn.

Simon H 20/12/2001, 9:49
Email Not Given
Happy Birthday Ken. Hope you have a good day and see you at Si's on Saturday and Dave's on Sunday.

Ken 20/12/2001, 9:29
Email Not Given
ohhhh thank you guys, yes I am really looking forward to LOTR. Really Sion straight into the top 5.....Looking forward to having a few beers at Si Bennett's on Saturday and hopefully seeing loads of people at Davey Pee's pub ...Portland Arms on Sunday.

Sion 20/12/2001, 9:14
Email Not Given
Happy Birthday Kenny! Enjoy Lord of the Rings tonight, I was thoroughly impressed, in fact I would go so far as to say it has leapt into my top 5 films list overnight. Dare I say a new 'Star Wars' for the Star Wars generation, Yes I do, and why not? Bloody Marvellous, any madhatters out there who ever enjoyed the book as a kid, go see it . You will love it. ...Sorry ...bit enthusy there...sorry...sorry...bye.

Liz 20/12/2001, 8:47
Email Not Given
Many Happy Returns Ken. Don't work too hard tday! See you Saturday. Love Liz

George Again 20/12/2001, 1:14
Email Not Given
Okay deliberate spelling mistake time there.. "I can hear the sound of hearing aids, blah blah"... Well it is 1:10 you know, and I just got home. :-)

George 20/12/2001, 1:11
Email Not Given
Eerie Silence huh... It's a bit like the occurances here at Merula Towers when I mention things like pay, and holiday... In fact I am sure I can here the sound of hearing aids being turned down!!!! :-) Dave, I would love to say yes, but it's a bit far ahead to say yea or nay. After all breakfast in the morning is forward planning around here....

Dinosaur 19/12/2001, 17:57
Email Not Given
..I'll be there - even if people do ignore my posts...ho hum...

Simon H 19/12/2001, 16:21
Email Not Given
David - Definitely comng to Edinburgh plus all names provided to you last week plus Badger and hopefully Phil and Sam if they make enough money on the video ! Actually, I have quite a few non-Madhatters who are planning to go so let me know if I can invite them to join our flat posse if any space available nearer the time.

The Reverser 19/12/2001, 16:5
Email Not Given
...Descends silence eerie an

Unknown Person 19/12/2001, 13:12
Email Not Given
An eerie silence descends.......

dave 18/12/2001, 17:26
Email Not Given
That is £88 for the week guys... you can always do some busking if you need to get some money for food, etc. Oh, well if you can't, you can't.

Sion 18/12/2001, 17:12
Email Not Given
Don't put them off, for god's sake

Josie 18/12/2001, 16:52
Email Not Given
Gary - please adopt us. We won't make many demands on you. Just a regular allowance. And we'll send you Christmas and birthday presents and every thing. Honest. Except when we forget. Actually, anyone with money, please adopt us. You can have the use of Sion's body and everything.

Dinosaur 18/12/2001, 16:35
Email Not Given
Where is this Old Orleans exactly? I would like to see the LOTR too.

Sion 18/12/2001, 16:38
Email Not Given
It's because we're very poor. Gary, will you adopt us please?

dave 18/12/2001, 16:15
Email Not Given
Anyway, why aren't you coming?

dave 18/12/2001, 16:15
Email Not Given
Sorry, that posting sounded rather 'desperate' about Edinburgh. Sion and Josie I take it you're not going to come then? Well, I don't care, poo to you. I'm not desperate, in fact there are lots of people coming, so there. Ner, ner.

Liz 18/12/2001, 16:3
Email Not Given
I would like to apologise to anyone who has recieved a rather unusual email from me this afternoon. A supplier has very kindly passed on a virus to me that automatically opens Porn sites - every five minutes! And I believe then passes it on to all in my address book. As you can imagine I - and the rest of the Avon World - have had a very busy afternoon. Anyway I apologise to anyone who received this and didn't want it and to all those who wanted it but didn't get it. Sorry.

Josie 18/12/2001, 15:45
Email Not Given
Yes dear.

Sion 18/12/2001, 14:50
Email Not Given
Josie - Did I say we weren't?

Dave 18/12/2001, 14:38
Email Not Given
I'm confused, does that help? Now, to all my lovely Madhatters - I really do have to hurry you up about Edinburgh Festival next year as I have to get the deposits off. Do you or do you not want a room (at £88 each) for the Edinburgh festival next year? Please let me know at dave.patrick@bigfoot.com. It will be brilliant (see the link in the Events section on the left for info). All you have to do is send me £25. Even if you end up not taking the room it's got to be a relatively inexpensive gamble. Come on.. it will be more fun than Cornwall. (sorry Cornwall)

Josie 18/12/2001, 14:19
Email Not Given
Sion & Liz - I'm confused. I thought we were going to the cinema on Wednesday, not Thursday.

Liz 18/12/2001, 13:56
Email Not Given
Don't forget all the baby sitting you offered to do - so please leave May and June free. Ta.

dave 18/12/2001, 13:54
Email Not Given
Nice one Gary. Bloody good idea if you ask me.

Sion 18/12/2001, 13:33
Email Not Given
Better get well then.

Gary 18/12/2001, 13:6
Email Not Given
I thought the madhatters, well maybe some of the madhatters, okay one of two of you, might be interested to know that I have agreed with my employer to take a sabbatical next year. Hooray!! The plan is that I'll be off from work between the 21st January and the end of June. What will I be doing? you may ask. Well I'm not going to travel the whole world but I do have a few projects in mind including some theatrerey things, some filmy things, some homey things and some other things.

Sion 18/12/2001, 13:10
Email Not Given
Straight to bed for you young man, maybe some chicken soup, or a dram to sooth the throat

Gary 18/12/2001, 12:57
Email Not Given
Got a cold and feel like shit.

Illusory Ken 18/12/2001, 12:58
Email Not Given
basTard

Illusory Ken 18/12/2001, 12:57
Email Not Given
At long last a reunion of all of us non-existent Kens, I for one can hardly wait. I only hope that basrard Virtual Ken doesn't show his face

Sion 18/12/2001, 12:55
Email Not Given
Aw, wassamatter then diddums?

Gary 18/12/2001, 12:38
Email Not Given
I am ill.

Ken's Imposter 18/12/2001, 12:4
Email Not Given
Yes, I'd be up for that as well. Do you mind if I bring my friend 'Imaginary Ken' as well?

Rude Boy 18/12/2001, 11:55
Email Not Given
Lord of the Ring? Get it? Snigger snigger phnaaar. Sounds a bit like "bum."

The Fake Ken 18/12/2001, 12:2
Email Not Given
Don't mind if I do

dave 18/12/2001, 11:50
Email Not Given
Is it Ken's birthday or is it the Puddings?

Liz 18/12/2001, 10:6
Email Not Given
Ken would you like to join us (Sion, Josie, Shona, Si & myself) for a pudding and a cocktail in Old Orleans beforehand as a pre birthday celebration?

Sion 18/12/2001, 10:2
Email Not Given
I was going to say we'd see you there but we'll be at the 20:30 show. Never mind. I feel like pursuing the existence of fake Kens but fear we could easily degenerate into a poor parody of Spartacus.

Ken 17/12/2001, 17:15
Email Not Given
To the fake Ken please sod off...as much as I think you are witty there can be only one! Sion in answer to your question I am going to 21:00 on Thursday 20th Dec...

Sion 17/12/2001, 17:20
Email Not Given
When you've stopped rolling around on the floor at how witty you are...I meant what time is the showing that you will be attending.

Ken 17/12/2001, 16:53
Email Not Given
The one in the cinema.

Sion 17/12/2001, 15:35
Email Not Given
Ken, which showing of L of the R are you going to?

George 17/12/2001, 11:28
Email Not Given
Well first I was going to say that the monkey resembled someone.... Hmm but to protect myself and my present employment I shall say nothing on the matter.... Apart from that the whole monkey thing sounds like we have been infiltrated by the worlds best known monkey spanker, the ever so 'Dangerous' Mickey Jackson. Which would probly explain the whole monkey accessing web thing, as allegedly the said Mr Jackson, hmm "enjoys Playing" with his monkey..... Anyway enough of that before I start going down some very weird avenues, for which it is far to early in the day... At the moment I am working here at Merula, building and maintaining the hardware... And yes that does mean that if you can't get to the madhatters site, it's probably 'cos I went a bit heavy on a technical tap!!

dave 17/12/2001, 9:52
Email Not Given
Noooo. Ken, all my illusions are shattered. I like to think of a magical world out there where Ventriloquists Monkey's can access web pages. You've ruined it now. Oh, Ken, Ken, KENNN.

Ken 17/12/2001, 9:49
Email Not Given
Davey Pee...I suspect Alfred is really Mr Wid

Ken 17/12/2001, 9:48
Email Not Given
So George, where do you stand on the 'Alfred' debate? By the way good to hear from you....what are you up to these days?

George Jarman 16/12/2001, 0:51
Email Not Given
Hi Madhatters everywhere.. Especially those of you who remember moi... Anyway as Mr Palmer has decided to employ myself in his infinite miswisdom, I decided to drop by and see you all... Good to hear some old names, and all that....

Unknown Person 15/12/2001, 12:53
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

dave 14/12/2001, 14:55
Email Not Given
Groovy. Does anyone know who Alfred the Dancing Monkey is? Psi - have you actually told anyone about your 30th Birthday yet?

Psi 14/12/2001, 14:33
Email Not Given
Nick, Margaret Andrea Richards managed to get her US quals taken into account and so got moved into the second year of her course, now her loan has less far to stretch she can afford to go home for Christmas.

Simon H 14/12/2001, 14:19
Email Not Given
Who is Josie ? Who am I ? Do we all really exist or are we just figments of Andy Roughton's imagination ?

Josie 14/12/2001, 13:48
Email Not Given
Who's Andrea? And who's Margaret?

Nick W 14/12/2001, 9:23
Email Not Given
Psi - I though Margaret, sorry Andrea, wasn't returning to the US until summer 2003? How come the change of plan? Not that I am a nosey git with nothing better to do that study the lives of other more interesting people........

The Ventriloquist 14/12/2001, 17:9
Email Not Given
I think that Alfred should be allowed to stay. His whimsy should be encouraged. Besides, without him, I'd never moake enough money to fuel my coke habit and buy in to the Frank Bough Special Inner Circle of Celebrity Rotarians.

Alfred The Dancing Monkey 14/12/2001, 16:47
Email Not Given
I'yl hhavf yoo knknow I'mnm vrry rephinnd.. At leest I doont bvoast abut goin to crwap pfarties. 'Oohh luk at mne, I'mn a lnakee fpfop. Are yoo makingg soupf? Pflease allow mnme to sfpoil it..'

Simon H 13/12/2001, 17:20
Email Not Given
Sion - I don't do walk-on parts. This weekend I have a party on Saturday night and maybe seeing an old Uni friend of Phil's (Andy Harrison from Psychology ??) on Sunday.

Psi 13/12/2001, 17:18
Email Not Given
Look, I ignore my internal taste meter to give you what I thought was a good but uncharacteristically rude joke and all you can do is come back with a feeble gag which would turn on the fact that I ended my sentence with 'Sorry boards' if only I had left out the comma, except I didn't so your comment makes no sense. Pah.

boards 13/12/2001, 17:25
Email Not Given
apology accepted

Psi 13/12/2001, 16:31
Email Not Given
Andrea's back down on her way back to the US for Christmas so we will probably shop and then look for some sort of social opportunity on Saturday night. On Sunday I will be screwing broads in my loft. Sorry, boards.

sion 13/12/2001, 16:42
Email Not Given
well, just me then. ah well.

dave 13/12/2001, 16:9
Email Not Given
Hmmm, curiously silent there Sion. I think that speaks volumes, like a talking bookshelf discussing Nigel Tuffnell's amplifier settings.
Anyone doing anything nice this weekend?

Sion 13/12/2001, 11:13
dignity@alltimes.com
Re Muppets from Space, anyone else see a frightening similarity between mad scientist/vivisectionist Dr Phil Van Neuter and our beloved Movie Mogul Mr Hopes?

dave 13/12/2001, 11:0
Email Not Given
Hmm, I don't know about that Andy. If there is a downturn in Alfred's popularity it can only be due to the current over-exposure of 'Monkey' in the ITVDigital ads. I quite enjoy Alfred's little daily deity's. He's funnier than Mr Gay and cleverer than The Insulter. If we enforce such a 'cull' where will it all lead? People are already 'scared' to post to this site as they don't think their postings will be 'funny' or 'insightful' enough. Surely your damning of Alfred will only add to the posting malaise that plagues the site. If you really feel strongly that Alfred has to go, perhaps you could write an essay to justify your stance. No more than 1,000 words - to be handed in on Tuesday please. No talking at the back Jones.

Le Burge 13/12/2001, 11:6
Email Not Given
Wel said Andy. Sorry, Alfred, whilst I appreciate your efforts in simian-based comedy, if you were to come round here, with you slurred words and innuendo, I'd have to say "Oi! Alfred. No!" or some other Harry Enfield sketch-based comment.

Ann Dee 13/12/2001, 10:49
Email Not Given
Anyone else starting to feel that Alfred the Dancing Monkey has perhaps run his course as a comedy character. He should learn from Orville, Cuddles, et al and retire gracefully once he has peaked. The peak came and went some time ago, give it up Alfred, you'll now have to wait 15years for cool retro status. You can also never reach the heights of Basil Brush.

Alfred The Dancing Monkey 13/12/2001, 17:42
Email Not Given
Bvad touch! Bvad tuch!

Monkey Spanker 12/12/2001, 21:43
Email Not Given
Alfred...come here boy...I'm getting testy...

Alfred The Dancing Monkey 13/12/2001, 2:23
Email Not Given
Arrgh mumnkeisz allowvwd tou pflayye?

Ken 12/12/2001, 17:20
Email Not Given
Dave, how about a game of rounders? Seeing as we as a society don't discriminate against women, how about a mixed XI, the Northerners Vs the Southerners? What do you think?

Simon H 12/12/2001, 17:9
Email Not Given
I'm.. you know.. finding it hard to stay motivated. Corporate/office life is about as appealing to me as a lava and carpet tack enema. Andy - may your breakfast cereal always be soggy and your front door start to peel for reminding me of that offensive song !!

Josie 12/12/2001, 16:56
Email Not Given
Milton Keynes is less the pork pie and more the ham salad in a french stick of cities!

Josie 12/12/2001, 16:55
Email Not Given
I am a lot. I think I need a new one. My one I was offered doesn't look like it's going to happen. I'm sad!

dave 12/12/2001, 16:18
Email Not Given
Yes Josie. I am a little.

dave 12/12/2001, 16:18
Email Not Given

Josie 12/12/2001, 16:14
Email Not Given
Is anyone else miserable in their job? Just curious

Ann Dee 12/12/2001, 16:6
Email Not Given
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London, I'll show you something, etc. Si H, that one was for you

Mr Southern Town 12/12/2001, 16:1
Email Not Given
"Take a trip to London towwwn
Just to see what's going dooowwn"

Nick W 12/12/2001, 15:49
Email Not Given
You are all a bunch of southern sunloving, shandy drinking, cockney jessies.

Miserable Git 12/12/2001, 14:58
Email Not Given
We don't want those MK type down here. Let them stay up oop North. Them and MK deserve each other

dave 12/12/2001, 14:53
Email Not Given
How about solving this with a game of Football, er, or Chess for those without legs or inclination (to play football that is). The Milton Keynes team can organise themselves into a regimented grid pattern of horizontals and verticals, whilst the rest of the world laughs, I mean implements a suitable counter-strategum.
Anyway, Josie I don't think of you as coming from MK. Not that it would be bad if you did, obviously. It's that Ken - he's the roundabout lover. Come on Ken, where are you? What have you got to say?

Mr Southern Town 12/12/2001, 14:47
Email Not Given
Milton Keynes, Northampton they're all the same place. I refer to them as "oop North" Inhabited by a load of shandy drinkers. Come and live down South, it's great.

Unknown Person 12/12/2001, 14:9
Email Not Given
I like monkeys.

Josie 12/12/2001, 13:18
Email Not Given
Dave - you're just jealous you don't live in MK. And actually, the Smiths & the Hughes don't live there either - we live in Northampton. Not that there's anything against MK, but we don't live there. So there!

Monkey Finder 12/12/2001, 12:47
Email Not Given
Is this your monkey?

The Milton Keynes Tourist Board 12/12/2001, 12:42
Email Not Given
Will people stop bad-mouthing Milton Keynes. It's a lovely place to be and no worse than anywhere else in England. Everyone just ridicules it because it's a 'new' town and we all remember the terrible eighties advertising campaign with the boy and the red balloon. Honestly, it's a lovely place - a great shopping centre and a large number of recreational facilities and all in all it's a very convenient place to live and work. Okay I've never actually lived there myself. In fact, to be honest I've never been. Not that I wouldn't. It's just that little Tabatha has only just started at Putney Girls Grammer School and I woudn't want to upset her and her Mother would have to find a whole new bridge club to join which seems a shame. But I for one would love to go. But perhaps just for a day. Or overnight. But not to live. Just to visit. And then come home again.

Unknown Person 12/12/2001, 11:45
Email Not Given
Has anybody seen my monkey?

dave 12/12/2001, 11:29
Email Not Given
Why not come and move to St Albans John, where it's more expensive to live, there are less roundabouts, it's closer to London and you have more pubs per head than anywhere else (in a ten mile radius). I'm fed up with this pro-MK stance. I think it's time we split up into factions, whaddya say. "Milton Keynes vs St Albans - the grudge match. This time it's territorial" Come on MK posse if you think your hard enough...

Josie 12/12/2001, 10:20
Email Not Given
I know the ideal present John - tell Lesley you've decided you should both move to MK - then she could have a whole city full of roundabouts.

Psi 11/12/2001, 22:58
Email Not Given
Don't get me the A414 again, I got it last year and I'd broken it by the New Year.

dave 11/12/2001, 16:41
Email Not Given
That short of ideas eh John? It's okay, you're amongst friends. Perhaps we could give you a few pointers, just tell us a little bit about Lesley. What are her interests? What does she like doing in her time off, that sort of thing. At the very least, a roundabout is a more suitable present for a girl. They've got plenty in Milton Keynes if you're stuck for ideas.

John 11/12/2001, 15:48
john.wyatt@thenews.co.uk
Re: present ideas. I plan to give Lesley the M3, or possibly junctions eight to twelve of the M27 if money's tight. The A414 might be a good present for anyone living in or around Hatfield.

dave 11/12/2001, 10:0
Email Not Given
Whoops.

Dinosaur 10/12/2001, 17:18
Dino@age-before-beauty.com
Davey P: Don't forget to go to the meeting tonight! Call me if there is a prob. See ya later.

Simon H 10/12/2001, 15:33
Email Not Given
What is sex usually classed as - a) a pastime b) a recreational activity c) a hobby d) a sport ? And if it is a sport why does it not have a category on sportsperson of the year ?

Ann Dee 10/12/2001, 14:8
Email Not Given
Buy presents only for family, friends and loved ones, NOT random strangers. This way Christmas shopping should work out considerably cheaper.

dave 10/12/2001, 12:41
Email Not Given
Good morning, afternoon - hope everyone had a fine weekend and is enthused with the joys of Christmas. Anyone got any top present tips?

Dinosaur 10/12/2001, 9:54
Dino@age-before-beauty.com
Jolyon: Check for typos on your site...

Alfred The Dancig Monkey 8/12/2001, 14:14
Email Not Given
I vwent to a pornm pfarty lasztt mnighyt. I hadf mnmy pfotoo takhen gwith thisz lanmnky streekk ofv pfissh hoo mnmade mnee pfprettendd I wvass givvingn hmm a bvlo jobf.

Ann Dee 7/12/2001, 12:17
Email Not Given
Very reasonable of you Steve. I didn't realise you knew any stories about the pain of divorce and anyway I'm not sure they'd have been appropriate on a light entertainment show.

Steve Phipps 6/12/2001, 19:6
stephen_phipps@hotmail.com
Ohh okay...look for me right in the centre of the audience in the very back row - I think the camera pans round to me twice - not including the very long shot along my row taken in the third part of the show. Watch out for the gross story about an Englishman, a German and a loaf of bread! I wasn't allowed to tell any stories on pain of divorce...! Ann Dee: It is true that I'm not as gay as Davey P (according to the percentages) but what consenting ADULTS do in their own house, under cover of darkness, and without any lights switched on or children about, is completely up to them...

Bruce 6/12/2001, 18:41
Email Not Given
Thanks Sion, at least I don't wander around the house mumbling and tearing up bits of tissue and then blame my charming wife (Well OK excluding weekends I don't) Mrs Maclean and bump doing just fine. Bank balance destroyed, nursery replaced office, tremoil replaced tranquillity..................

Ann Dee 6/12/2001, 17:24
Email Not Given
As soon as I have them I'll pass them on, patience dear boy. Did I mention that in one of them (there are only two with me in) one of the four girls who are draped over me is simulating the performance of oral sex on me? No, I don't think I did...Steve, when you say appear does this mean you were seen in the audience or that you were interviewed? I realise you are a celebrity in Madhatters, I just didn't realise your fame had spread that far. Oh, and aren't you terribly homophobic too?

Mr Gay 6/12/2001, 17:8
Email Not Given
I do like that nice Graham Norton. He's so, well you know. Oooh. I hope you gave him a firm hand after the show Steve.

Le Burge 6/12/2001, 16:53
Email Not Given
Fantastic Steve. Did he think you were "right up his street?" Andy, where are the photos from last night that you promised to show everyone?

LE Burge 6/12/2001, 16:52
Email Not Given
Nothing said.

Steve Phipps 6/12/2001, 16:20
stephen_phipps@hotmail.com
Ann Dee: I can't compete with the Playboy party but I (and Cazzy) did appear on the So! Graham Norton program last night...does that count?

Sion 6/12/2001, 15:0
Email Not Given
I worked on a porn movie a few years back, maybe we've seen the same flesh? Arse, I hope the wife isn't reading this.

Sion 6/12/2001, 14:59
Email Not Given
On behalf of Shona (113), who reads all of this but is too shy to write, I believe she would love to invite all the madhatters, but is a bit short of space in her bachelorette flat. Give her a ring to see if she can squeeze you in to a tight little space somewhere

Ann Dee 6/12/2001, 14:48
Email Not Given
Sion, Sion, SION! I went to a porn channel party last night. Do you want to hear about it?

Sion 6/12/2001, 14:55
Email Not Given
Why does no-one ever do glamorous stuff, like go to a porn channel party. Maybe we're all too old.

Simon H 6/12/2001, 14:28
Email Not Given
By the way - is everyone invited to Shona's New Year Party ? That might be fun. But that doesn't mean I want to live there. But I could visit. For a bit. And then go home.

Simon H 6/12/2001, 14:25
Email Not Given
Thanks - I'll come up to you then. But I don't want to stay there forever. I just want to visit. Maybe for a day. Or overnight. Then come away. Not that I wouldn't want to live in MK. I hear it has some great school programmes. I'd rather just visit. For a bit. But not settle down there.

Nick W 6/12/2001, 14:26
Email Not Given
Yeah, normally the temperature decreases by about 10c, so it's Greenland next stop. Ken, by the way I've just emailed you. We're coming for 25 - 27 January if that's ok with you.

Ken 6/12/2001, 14:14
Email Not Given
So Nick, if by doubling the number of miles you move each time you'll be 1000 miles away from Consett next time you move! Si H, you will be more than welcome up in MK.

Ann Dee 6/12/2001, 14:12
Email Not Given
I'm bored today too, but I guess nothing could live up to last night. Did I mention that I went to the Playboy party last night. It was very good you know. I'm seeing Roger Coles on Saturday, anyone want to pass on any messages? I don't have a dishwasher. I drive my cat wild, it's called Feral, do you see what I've done?

Josie 6/12/2001, 14:4
Email Not Given
And I don't shred tissues - the kittens do that.

Josie 6/12/2001, 14:4
Email Not Given
Sion snores in bed and that drives me mad - is that the sort of revalation you were meaning Simon?

Josie 6/12/2001, 14:2
Email Not Given
Sion - don't get any ideas - we're not moving! It drives Liz mad when we mention moving, and you're not allowed to upset her until after Torquil is born.

Nick W 6/12/2001, 14:3
Email Not Given
Here's a great way to make your missus mad. Tell her you are moving 250 miles to the South West. Then three years later tell her you are moving 500 miles to the North East. Works every time.

dave 6/12/2001, 13:44
Email Not Given
So how is Mrs Maclean Bruce - is she doing well? What news from yonder Welwyn Garden?

Sion 6/12/2001, 13:43
Email Not Given
She married you by choice, clearly already mad

Bruce 6/12/2001, 13:27
Email Not Given
I emptied the tumble dryer for the first time on Tuesday night. Everything I do drives Mrs Maclean mad!

dave 6/12/2001, 12:56
Email Not Given
Well yes, thanks for that Mr Gay. I'm not sure that this is the best place for 'turning' as you so eloquently put it. Sion - I seldom empty the dishwasher, but I do like to make a nice peach crumble on occasions. Simon - how are we to experience 'smells' from this web site, not that I think it's a bad idea. It just might take some working out.

Mr Gay 6/12/2001, 12:50
Email Not Given
Do you think you might be for turning then Sion? Not that I want to ram it down people's throats of course. I just think it's important for people to be honest about their sexuality. Especially if they 'air' their dirty laundry in public.

sion 6/12/2001, 12:46
Email Not Given
It drives the present Mrs Hughes wild that I never load or empty the dishwasher, and me wild that as she moves about the house she sheds crumpled old tissues like other people shed dandruff. Is that the sort of thing you mean?

Mr Gay 6/12/2001, 12:31
Email Not Given
I, Mr Gay, would like to hereby scotch any rumours that I am a straight single male who by posting messages on this site as said Mr Gay, is actually coming across as homophobic. I am Gay and I am proud to be so. That's how being gay works. So stick that up your fudge tunnel (or mine - if you like).

Simon H 6/12/2001, 12:17
Email Not Given
Sion and Josie - Do you really believe that the Madhatters message board is the appropriate place for all your lover's tiffs, quarrels and more intimate secrets and discussions about your s*x life ? Well I do - so put more on - particularly anything that drives Joise wild and what she does when she get's wild. And while we're about it - other couples - put your dark bedroom secrets up here as well. We want it all. Sights, sounds, smells and costs.

I'm quite bored as well today.

Josie 6/12/2001, 11:12
Email Not Given
I've got a Brother Beyond single - I think that's highly embarassing

Josie 6/12/2001, 11:11
Email Not Given
Can't contact Sion when he's in the office by any other means - his mobile has no signal and he won't give me his office number! Thank you all for sharing our lives with us.

Sion 6/12/2001, 10:57
Email Not Given
Ah, yes, Calling all the heroes. A classic, unless I'm very much stupid. Level 42 don't count as embarrassing surely? Come on Dave, there's a Sinitta lurking somewhere isn't there, or maybe Limahl.

dave 6/12/2001, 10:44
Email Not Given
One or more of those statements is a lie.

dave 6/12/2001, 10:43
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
Sion - I still have some 'It Bites' albums and those 'Level 42' albums still sound great. Andy - no need to post the pictures just send them to my email address and I will pop them up if they are, er 'suitable'. Glad I didn't go to the Playboy party as I always find being around top models gets a little tiresome after a while. I am having an interesting day at work again.

Sion 6/12/2001, 10:47
Email Not Given
Middle of nowhere, no signal

What? 6/12/2001, 10:28
dull@dishwater
Sion & Joisie, surely you have other means of communication open to you for private messages instead of this message board?

Ann Dee 6/12/2001, 10:7
Email Not Given
A fine time, truly, truly fine. If someone wants to tell me how to attach a picture to this message board thingy I'll put one online when I receive it.

Josie 6/12/2001, 9:57
Email Not Given
Sion - please can you call me - your mobile's switched off. I'm going into a meeting, so call after 11. Thank you.

Sion 6/12/2001, 10:5
Email Not Given
Cool if you're under 10. A quick route to casualty if you're over 25

Sion 6/12/2001, 10:4
Email Not Given
Shona's new year party has an 80's theme (the decade, not her age) and we got to discussing the most embarrassing musical faux pas' we'd made in the 80's. Anyone out there wish to publically humiliate themselves? I'll go first, I have no shame. I have lurking somewhere not one but two 'Five Star' albums. What was I thinking?

Josie 6/12/2001, 9:49
Email Not Given
Question for the day - Space Hoppers - cool or naff?

Simon H 6/12/2001, 9:50
Email Not Given
Ken - Shall I make an MK trip ?

Ken 6/12/2001, 9:27
Email Not Given
Si H....I'm off for 11 days over the Xmas period as well, I'm sure that we can have a film day.

Ken 6/12/2001, 9:26
Email Not Given
How was the party Ann Dee? By the way are you going to the Watford Vs Crystal Palace game on the 15th Dec?

Mr Gay 5/12/2001, 15:17
Email Not Given
You can park your mess on my chest if you need somewhere to leave it. Oooh get you. Does anyone remember Lofty from 'It Ain't Half Hot'? Fabulous singing voice. Mr Naive - if you would like me to explain please meet me in the 'novices' chat room at www.fudge.com.

Le Burge 5/12/2001, 14:54
Email Not Given
Oh sod it - basically try not to leave your mess on the ladies' breasts

Le Burge 5/12/2001, 14:40
Email Not Given
Andy - try not to leave your "mark" across any the fine "top shelves" that the models will doubtless be displaying. L***** bastard.

Mr Naive 5/12/2001, 13:58
Email Not Given
Dear Mr Gay. Please could you describe what being 'gay' is ? I am quite innocent about the subject. You see that's what naive means.

Nick W 5/12/2001, 13:40
Email Not Given
So Playboy have a special transvestite Christmas Party? Excellent - when's it broadcast, and who are you going as Ann Dee?

dave 5/12/2001, 13:37
Email Not Given
Andy - how do you manage to wangle these things? I don't suppose there's a ticket for your old pal Dave is there? I'm sure Rich Gale could rustle one up from somewhere. Ah, well have fun, give my, ahem regards, to a top model won't you.

Mr Gay 5/12/2001, 12:46
Email Not Given
Well, I'm not for one. That's because I'm gay. Being gay works like that. I have the ability to 'not get aroused' by topless, scantily clad models. Mind you Andy, you're a bit of alright - what time did you say you'd be there?

Ann Dee 5/12/2001, 12:21
Email Not Given
I'm going to the Playboy TV Christmas party tonight. Anyone jealous?

Simon H 4/12/2001, 12:26
Email Not Given
Ken - are you going to be around over Chrimbo - perhaps we could do a full film day then - I'm off for 11 days !!

Mr Gay 4/12/2001, 12:1
Email Not Given
Oooh 'mid-air refueling' eh? Well get you! Oooh, I say.

Lewd Jaw 4/12/2001, 12:0
Email Not Given
Arse.

Mr Gay 4/12/2001, 11:58
Email Not Given
Can I come too boys?

Simon H 4/12/2001, 11:22
Email Not Given
Ken - how about my house about midnight. Phil's out tonight - we could try a bit of mid-air refueling.

Ken 4/12/2001, 10:49
Email Not Given
Sadly I'm a little too far West to join you. Si H when do you want to meet up for a beer?

Simon H 4/12/2001, 10:3
Email Not Given
Dave was thinking exactly the same thing. 1pm usual place ? I

Ed Harris 4/12/2001, 9:48
Email Not Given
Well sod you then

dave 4/12/2001, 9:26
Email Not Given
Morning everybody. I do hope that Mr Gay and Mr Homophobic don't blight our chat today. Anyway Si H - fancy a cup of coffee today at Bank? Anyone else in the 'Smoke'?

Mr Gay 3/12/2001, 17:34
Email Not Given
Ah, my arch Nemesis Mr Homophobic. I suppose you think you're funny don't you? Well I've got news for you, you cheap talking, foul mouthed, ill-informed, biggoted ignoramus, and I'll tell you tomorrow as I'm going home. Goodnight.

Mr Homophobic 3/12/2001, 17:8
Email Not Given
Gays everywhere - what's the world coming too? Did I say coming? 'Ere, what are you looking at me like that for? Get away from me you raving queer, etc, etc

Rachel Weisz 3/12/2001, 17:1
rachel.weisz@themummyreturns.com
I'd do it with Jude Law but not with Mr Gay. I might consider doing it with Simon Hopes but I haven't seen a photo of him yet. Well done for spotting that the sex scene was a bit awkward. That's actually the way I like it. I can imagine a lot of people had sex like that in World War 2. If you were to go out with me Simon that would be the way I would like to do it with you.

Mr Gay 3/12/2001, 16:38
Email Not Given
By the way, has anyone seen the XXX version of the film 'Enema at the Gates'? Although not set in Russia it does probe some interesting parallels with the original. For instance, one of the dirty digglers is called 'Jude'. As I'm gay I like to watch it because it features a lot of gay men. That's how being gay works, you see what happens... uh, oh my boss is coming

Mr Gay 3/12/2001, 16:35
Email Not Given
I would do it with Jude Law but not with Rachel Weisz. That's because I'm gay. That's how being gay works. If I was straight I would do it with Rachel Weisz but I'm not. I wouldn't do it with Ed Harris though. He looks a bit rough.

Jude Law 3/12/2001, 15:57
Email Not Given
Well sod you then!

Simon H 3/12/2001, 15:41
Email Not Given
Although he IS a good looking lad, but that doesn't mean... er.... um.... I'll go now.

Simon H 3/12/2001, 15:40
Email Not Given
But not with Jude Law.

Simon H 3/12/2001, 15:40
Email Not Given
Still... you would wouldn't you... eh ? ... eh ? Do you get it ? You WOULD wouldn't you. Say no more. Eh ? Eh ?

Simon H 3/12/2001, 15:38
Email Not Given
Well, well, well - didn't that topic of conversation do well. This week lets have a conversation about how awkward the s*x scene in war film "Enemy at the Gates" looked between Jude Law and Rachel Weiss.

The Doubter 3/12/2001, 14:54
doubter@thomas.in.the.bible
I'd wager that that message wasn't from the real Father Christmas.

Father Christmas 3/12/2001, 14:34
santa@northpole.net
Would any of you crazee Madhatters kids like presents for Christmas? If you would, post me your present list to santa@the north pole, po box SA321 St Albans. Don't forget to include your cheque for £100 ahem, to cover administration costs for my elves. Oh and don't forget only good boys and girls qualify, so if you've done anything bad this year you don't get any presents and have to send £200. Remember, hand over the cash or I'll shat down your chimney.

Sion 3/12/2001, 14:41
Email Not Given
Surely Adam Hart-Davies?

Doctor How 3/12/2001, 13:25
fred.dineage@gambit.net
Did anyone ever see the pilot episode of my sci-fi series? Pah, I bet not. I bet all you lot remember is that crummy 'Doctor Who'. You know the one who could never remember names? Anyway, I was different - I used to travel through the galaxy in my Inventors Shed showing people all manner of useful invention. Much better.

Doctorin' the Tardis 3/12/2001, 13:20
timelords@klf.com
We burnt a million quid. Shove that up your arse Davros.

Doctor in the House 3/12/2001, 13:19
leslie@philips.com
Oohhh Matron. Really. Ding Dong. Tick Tock.

Doctor and the Medics 3/12/2001, 13:18
Email Not Given
Hi, come and see mne at Butlins for the spring season in Minehead. I'll be playing all my old hit.

Doctor No 3/12/2001, 13:18
Email Not Given
No.

Doctor Sad 3/12/2001, 13:8
Email Not Given
Doctor Who Factfile: The daleks got their name by rearranging the letters in their home planet (Skaled) when they turned themselves into robotic condiment sets and set off to conquer the galaxy. Strikes me as a bit weird now I come to write it down.

Sion 3/12/2001, 10:32
Email Not Given
Hate to think what state she's in though

Sion 3/12/2001, 10:32
Email Not Given
I think it's so twee that davros still lives with his mum

Dinosaur 30/11/2001, 18:5
Dino@age-before-beauty.com
What the hell are 'Darleks', did you lot learn nothing at school? It is of course spelt 'darlex' as in 'tampax', its quite simple really...

dave's Mum 29/11/2001, 14:24
Email Not Given
And don't forget to wrap up warm you two or you'll catch a cold.

Davros 29/11/2001, 14:7
davros@mymumshouse.net
That's right Buck, biddy, biddy. Mickey, mickey, cor atomic thunderbusters. Wibble.

LeBurge 29/11/2001, 13:41
Email Not Given
Ah, I meant Leela, not Layla. I have already remembered your guitar, your delay pedal (repaired) and the JTQ live at Cambridge college ball 1997 bootleg CD

dave 29/11/2001, 13:18
Email Not Given
I thought Derek and the Dominos were brilliant. Well done Simon for spotting my forgetfulness, now to turn the ball on the other court - what have you got to remember to bring tonight to the meeting?

Le Burge 29/11/2001, 12:10
Email Not Given
Layla's costume was easily scarier than either the darleks or the cybermen (who were crap)

Davros 29/11/2001, 12:6
Email Not Given
No contest

Simon H 29/11/2001, 11:19
Email Not Given
Hello everyone, dave here. No I meant Simon here - this weeks topic of conversation - Which was scarier Darleks or Cybermen ??

Le Burge 28/11/2001, 17:31
Email Not Given
Dave, we have a "band meeting" tomorrow, so you can't go anyway

dave 28/11/2001, 15:35
Email Not Given
It's the UHDS Pantomime tomorrow, any Madhatters going along? Might be good for a giggle? I'm not going on my own though.

Simon H 28/11/2001, 15:35
Email Not Given
If you haven't clicked on the Proximity section in the top RH corner of the screen (if you can't see it - reload the page until it shows up) - do so now. "Quite frankly David and Simon's best song to date." said saucy Simon Hopes, 30. Watch out for more news on an opportunity of everyone to be in the video for this song which (hopefully) is going to be filmed early next year - if we can convince 50% of Otis to make a small trip over to see us from America !!!

Mr Revelation 28/11/2001, 12:14
Email Not Given
Well, yes I have actually. I enjoy dressing up as a Thai hooker in the privacy of my own home. I also like eating Chiuhauha (but not spelling it) and masturbating over pictures of Dale Winton. I also read the Framley Examiner and find the chat on this site a bit 'dull' at times. Anyone like to make the site a bit racier? Well, without using profanities if possible.

John 28/11/2001, 11:56
whatashitemailaddress584@hotmail.com
Has anyone got anything even vaguely intelligible to say? I only ask because I haven't - except to recommend www.framleyexaminer.co.uk to all fans of satire and suddenly laughing out loud in the office.

Mike 28/11/2001, 9:54
Email Not Given
er, 403, Tocksteth O'Grady, USA

Rik 28/11/2001, 9:39
Britain
What is the record for sticking Marshmallows up your nose?

Dinosaur 28/11/2001, 9:21
dino@saurus.co.uk
...you should try getting shoes to fit my feet...

Jertzy Bolofski 27/11/2001, 17:39
Email Not Given
'Ere! Are you being saarcaastic? One of my least favourite things that is - saarcaaasm....

dave 27/11/2001, 14:9
Email Not Given
Neither is pedanric. It's a place in Cornwall, anyway do you mean similar in voice or appearance. If so does he also have trouble buying shirts that fit his incredibly wide neck?

LeBurge 27/11/2001, 14:3
Email Not Given
But sorry, no, I haven't noticed any similarity between "Andy" and Dave. And as to whether they are relared, that's not a real word

Le Burge 27/11/2001, 14:1
Email Not Given
Nick - don't worry. Be proud. Once everyone realises that everyone else is also listening to Radio 2, then it will even be OK to listen to it whilst driving along with the window down.

Nick W 27/11/2001, 13:22
Email Not Given
Shit. I may have just made an arse of myself again. I think I have admitted to listening, occasionally, to Radio 2. Please don't let this get out.

Nick W 27/11/2001, 13:20
Email Not Given
Has anyone else noticed the remarkable similarity between "Andy" (the producer of Jonathan Ross' radio show and co-host of his television show) and one David Patrick (er.... Speakeasy, MH, ..... think that's it). Are they relared? We should be told.

John 27/11/2001, 13:1
Email Not Given
Knowledge management - is that what we used to call 'thought control', as in 'We don't need no..'? If so, I suggest, Josie, you don't ask Pink Floyd for help, as their knowledge management requirements are clearly zero.

Josie 27/11/2001, 12:34
Email Not Given
Dave - out of interest, what exactly are you doing for a knowledge management system?

dave 27/11/2001, 11:56
Email Not Given
There, that stopped the conversation flat didn't it.

dave 26/11/2001, 16:11
Email Not Given
Oddly enough we're just implementing a knowledge management system on a company's intranet. Unfortunately we're scrapping their Lotus system and doing it in Microshaft. Sorry.

Josie 26/11/2001, 15:38
Email Not Given
Simon - glad you're 'free at last'. Does it feel nice? Le Burge - why are you leaving sunny Croydon?

Josie 26/11/2001, 15:36
josie.hughes@askeurope.com
Hello. Serious work related question - does anyone have any experience with Knowledge Management - either systems or behaviourally? Also, does anyone do development in lotus notes?

dave 26/11/2001, 14:15
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
Simon (Le Burge) - so what is happening now that's more important - that's what I want to know? I'm happy to talk about any modern topics you might have - how about female country and western singers? Hello Mem.

Mrs. Hopes 26/11/2001, 13:58
Email Not Given
Yes dear?

Simon H 26/11/2001, 12:57
Email Not Given
Mum

Simon H 26/11/2001, 12:56
Email Not Given
I remember when the labour candidate goes to visit Callum Gilhooley and he's on the phone to his mem.

Le Burge 26/11/2001, 12:47
simon.burges@bigfoot.com
Hmm, it appears that one and all are far more interested in a albeit funny scottish comedy sketch show from ten years ago than what is happening now. I blame the goverenment.

Badger 26/11/2001, 10:37
Email Not Given
Hello David. I'm pretty sure I have that episode. If you don't already have a copy let me know and I'll put it on a video tape for you.

dave 26/11/2001, 9:51
Email Not Given
Hope everyone had a good weekend. Thanks Sion and Badger for the Absolutely reminisces. Still my all time favourite has to be the parents taking their dead son around the country for a spot of 'fund raising'. "Go on £20, you can kick him in the teeth. It's for charity."
I take it from the resounding deafness of Simon's request that all the Madhatters frequenting the site are happy in their current abodes and don't wish to relocate to Croydon? Anyway, good luck Si with the house-letting. Anyone fancy keeping Simon's seat warm in Speakeasy while he's gone? Auditions will be held shortly.

Unknown Person 25/11/2001, 14:19
Email Not Given
hi

mat 25/11/2001, 14:19
mat.cotton@hotmail.com
Nothing said.

Sion 23/11/2001, 17:40
Email Not Given
free at last.have a nice w/end y'all

Simon H 23/11/2001, 17:15
Email Not Given
No - but talk of freelance project work.

Badger 23/11/2001, 16:16
Email Not Given
Ah yes. The video shop sketch. Was that the same one that he's also had 'For your eyes only' and he tells the shop assistant "I can assure you, no one else has seen it"?

Sion 23/11/2001, 16:23
Email Not Given
I don't have the book to hand, but I believe it was PETER Wells. Who remembers Callum looking for a Davey Bond video?

Badger 23/11/2001, 16:3
Email Not Given
Oh, hello brother dear. Congratulations on the decree absolute. Did they not go for the part time thing?

Badger 23/11/2001, 16:3
Email Not Given
Sion, Dave, what was the name of Jennifer Wells husband?

Simon H 23/11/2001, 16:1
Email Not Given
Today my resignation became final and I am officially an unemployed destitute writer as of the end of January (with any luck !!). However, I should be appearing in St Albans a couple of weeks earlier. "All change please. All change."

Badger 23/11/2001, 16:0
Email Not Given
Now there's a question. I think my favourite Absolutely sketch would have to be the charity shop sketch where the guy goes into the store and buys every bit of old shite they have with absolute glee. "I don't suppose you have a little tartan drummer girl in a plastic tube?" and " Do you? Do you? You Do!!!! Top of the Tops Volume Eight!!!". It's been about ten years now, but I still like to use those two lines whenever I can. Oh, and there's the whole thing of going into a shop that sells clothes and saying to the assistant, "I don't suppose you've got any clothes have you?"

Sion 23/11/2001, 15:47
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I have the book of the scripts to Absolutely. Favourite is 'dyslexic mind reader' - "Fuff ock, yon bandstand"

Unknown Person 23/11/2001, 15:23
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Nothing said.

Badger 23/11/2001, 14:56
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Thanks Dave. My company internet server seems to have this as a banned site so I'll have a look over the weekend. Do you have any Absolutely episodes on video?

Le Burge 23/11/2001, 14:55
simon.burges@bigfoot.com
OK everyone. Big announcement. I'm moving to sunny Santa Monica for at least six months in January. As a result, me and Sarah need to find someone to move into our house. So, are any of you Madhatters looking for a place to stay in Croydon? 3-story townhouse, two large bedrooms, two cats, garage, quite cul-de-sac, 10 minutes walk to East Croydon (20 minutes to Victoria).

dave 23/11/2001, 13:49
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Badger - try this link for all things 'Absolutely' http://website.lineone.net/~andy.savage3/ .

Nick 23/11/2001, 13:19
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Lesley, a big birthday kiss from the Wiggins ensemble.

Albert Bastard 23/11/2001, 12:31
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Peas! They're only on the plate as a challenge.... etc, etc.

Badger 23/11/2001, 12:3
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OK, so I couldn't resist providing some of my favourite lines from Absolutely. David, I have something like eight episodes of Absolutely on ye olde video format, but they are in no particular order and I couldn't tell you which series each episode comes from. Was there anything in particular you were after. Frank Hovis having a crap in the back of a taxi perhaps...... When I looked down, there was this monster sitting there, coiled up, hissing slightly. So, I gave the cab driver a tip, I said 'Clean out the back of the cab'

Albert Bastard 23/11/2001, 11:55
albertbastard@thedaycentre.co.uk
Dave, I remember the time I appeared in that Absolutely show. Lot's of one liners about quim as I recall. Of course, the secret with a woman is that you've got to stimulate her Clematis. In case you're interested, I'm 93 now and I'm still a better man than you. And I've still got all my own teeth. I've got Nasher, Chomper and Steve. Arhhhhh.

Ken 23/11/2001, 9:35
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Happy Birthday Lesbo!

The Ponderer 23/11/2001, 0:27
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I'm not sure it'll fit?

The Insulter 23/11/2001, 19:40
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"It is better to shut your rancid mouth, than get my foot up your arse"

Miss Quoter 22/11/2001, 17:54
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"It is better to be at the bottom of a tree that you want to climb than half way up a mountain that you don't."

Simon H 22/11/2001, 15:39
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Has anyone heard from Brian Benson or is he doing 100 days solitary in the cooler for urinating on a radar screen ?

John 22/11/2001, 15:39
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And I'm sure you'd all like to join with me in wishing a happy birthday to Lesley White tomorrow, when she will be 21 (ahem). All together now... Happy birthday to you...

John 22/11/2001, 15:37
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Dave, you took the piss out of Chris Hanham for not showing himself, and then when he did everyone ignored him. Hello, Chris. I was sorry to note that you didn't return my phone call from about five weeks ago. I've seen Harry Potter. It's quite good.

Simon H 22/11/2001, 13:0
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His name was Gary,

He couldn't construct sentences with commas.

But with a flower in his hair

And a dress right up to there

At the Copa... Copacobana...

They fell in love.............

Gary 21/11/2001, 18:0
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Or construct sentences with commas

Gary 21/11/2001, 17:59
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I know about Millsy's new surf film. I've seen Harry Potter too. I thought it was very good and haven't read the book but that's because I can't read.

dave 21/11/2001, 17:13
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Does everyone know that Millsy's new surf film is now out? If not I've put a link to it in one of the ad banners (top right) - just keep refreshing this page until it turns up. I will be buying a copy and I can't even stand-up on a surfboard unless it's nailed to the floor. Good luck Dreaming Fish and can all Madhatters spread the word to their surfing friends, er - if you have any apart from Phil and Rog!

dave 21/11/2001, 14:59
dave.patrick@bigfoot.com
DId anyone vido 'Absolutely' series 1 & 2 when they were on telly? I'd hand over a crisp tenner to the person who could help me locate such a comedic feast. Oh, to watch those Stoneybridge town councillors in action. Josie - seeeing as your surfing the web maybe you could help? I wish I was surfing Barenaked Ladies and listening to the Net.

Josie 21/11/2001, 14:31
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I'm happy this afternoon. My friend took me out to lunch, I'm eating a very sweet sweet, I'm listening the the Barenaked Ladies and I'm surfing the net rather than working. Thought I'd share that.

Josie 21/11/2001, 14:30
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The Shona (5) referred to her age - as my beloved husband keeps insisting she's Shona (65) I thought I'd add some balance. And yes, it is a children's book & film, but it's still dead good - the book anyway, don't know about the film. I've not seen it. I'll go now. Bye.

Ken 21/11/2001, 13:39
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Absolutely!!

dave 21/11/2001, 13:33
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Remember this?

Chris Hanham 21/11/2001, 13:21
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Hello

Ann Dee 21/11/2001, 12:45
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JK Rowling is the new Enid Blyton

Ann Dee 21/11/2001, 12:45
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It's a childrens film!

dave 21/11/2001, 12:23
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Don't know - does Shona have e-mail or access to the World Web Net Wide Inter thing? Or is she just keeping out of it... come on Shona - don't be a Chris Hanham, show yourself.

Simon H 21/11/2001, 11:59
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What does Shona (5) mean - mental age or aggregate number of marriage proposals this year ???

Ken 21/11/2001, 12:0
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Dave, sadly it's not the final edit of Evil Bread " Crusty's End" I have a feeling that the film rushes are gathering dust in Justin Flute attic. Si H, no you don't need batteries for it. Pleased to see Shona reducing in age or perhaps has she turned into 5 people? or is she pregnant?

Josie 21/11/2001, 11:3
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About Harry Potter - I've talked to 2 people who've seen it and have read the book. One loved it and one was disappointed. Shona (5) has also seen it and loved it.

dave 21/11/2001, 10:20
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Whatever he's going to show you Simon, you make sure that he's got a licence for it. Ken - it's not a final Edit of 'The Evil Bread' is it? Dino - Man Utd. were not a patch on Exeter City's majestic win in the Devon Derby against Torquay. I'm sure even Mr Wiggins would have shed a tear after seeing the Riviera Kings taken down a peg or two.

Simon H 21/11/2001, 9:35
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Is it more satisfying than a twix ? Is it a Snickers ??

Simon H 21/11/2001, 9:29
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Ken - what is it ? Does it require batteries ?

Dinosaur 20/11/2001, 22:2
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Sorry to hear about Liverpool...snigger...but great result for Man Utd eh! Shame it wasn't a win though - it deserved to be!

Sion 20/11/2001, 17:33
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The Rodrigueszsz Patented Twix Remover?

Ken 20/11/2001, 17:20
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Si H when can you come up to MK...I've something to show you!